I have heard many stories.
Stories concluding happy endings and ultimate happiness.
The perfect dream
Where I will never have to face reality
A perfect getaway
But no.
Countless nightmares topple over one another.
The pain sears through my weak frail skin
The matters I have to worry about
The trivial things that come to my mind when I’m not around you.
It is ridiculous to get repeatedly hurt
It is absurd to realise the stressful situation you are trying to salvage
One little mistake leading to the next
It wears me down
Getting emotional about all this
Isn’t it a waste of my time?
If it is,
I would have quit a long time ago.
Then what am I holding onto now?
I cannot carry on any longer
But I do not want to lose this battle
I do not even know what to do
I am practically helpless and terrified of what is going to happen next
If I am causing you pain,
Why didn’t you let go when you had the chance?
Why didn’t you leave before matters get out of hand?
This is ridiculous. Why am I going crazy over this? How I want to cry. How I want to run back into the comfort of your arms. How I want your presence now. I want my tears to flow freely like they did once before. They never did.
Its like you are a drug
A demon I can’t face down
I let you overwhelm me,
My emotions,
My life.
You are like a leech,
Sucking the life from me.
Its like I can’t breathe,
Not able to see anything,
Blinded by your presence
And the shield you hide yourself in
A ghost that haunts my past,
That never quits.
I cannot live a day
Without you interrupting me,
Interrupting my thoughts,
My dreams,
My life.
There seems to be no remedy to my situation.
You made me what I’ve dreaded.
A stranger
You have become my drug
My addiction.
Without you,
I’m nothing.