Its time that we show our cards.
We have always been,
and always will be,
together as one.
Regardless of distance and conflicts,
we managed to perservere on till today.
Nevertheless,
there will be times when there is that eerie transaction between us.
Typically those when we past each other in the corridors,
a sharp turn of our heads,
we complete the process of ignorance.
A hint of acknowledgement in our eyes,
but we chose to ignore it and continue with our lives.
Everything between us is making me go insane.
I cannot even remember the last time we ever spoken to each other.
We just need that chance to come upon us again.
That will be when we regain back our true selves.
Till then I am hopeless at this stage.
Sentences hang adrift in the air between us.
We would not be able to complete them if time ticks by.
Secrets we shared,
conflicts we threw at each other,
those were not insignificant.
I can't stand the everlasting wrath of silence between us.
It has been in my existence since forever.
Be the first to break it for me.

I try to move on without you.
Nevertheless,
you always manage to keep pace with me.
No matter how I tried to toss you aside,
you play me around like a puppet.
In this beautiful world i live in,
in that extravagant world you live in,
differs greatly from mine.
All because of you,
my heart has gone numb.
No salvation
No dependence on anyone.
No one to really understand the anguish i'm in.
No one to heal my wounds inflicted from you.
Even though that happens,
I was willing to risk my mental strength to stride alongside with you.
Still,
you threw cold water on my face.
Shield yourself in,
keeping everything within you.
All your fustrations kept secret,
all the pain hugging closely in you.
Patience is not of the essence now.
You boil the anger inside of me,
I detest myself for having such an emotion for you.
Why am I wasting my numb feelings for you?
All i want in return is your understanding.
What I got is your ignorance.

I can't help it if you stare at me.
I am hopeless when I stare into those restless eyes of yours.
I am a sinner when it comes to such matters.
My heart has gone numb because of you,
hence here I am begging you to go easy on me.
Go easy on my emotions.
You throw me around like a stone,
something like a mere pebble in your warm hands.
The scars run so deep,
I just need time to regain back my strength.
Before you want to wreck my life,
at least try to have a little patience,
let my heart heal from its previous wreck.
This heart is unable to survive another dolor.
You can't extinguish this flame out of me,
you crush my only salvation in the world,
my salvation is also my destroyer.
Who is the real you??

Living a life that I am not fit to be is such a torture.
Living two lives in a week depletes my mental strength.
Pressing the fast-forward button in my life,
you will probably see the same old plain girl living her life.
Pressing the go back button in my life,
you will once again see the girl you knew walking the same path of road.
Life has its ultimatiums and limits.
Emotions get in the way and somehow I find myself losing
the control I always keep inside of me.
Desperately trying to regain my composure to look strong
and capable of going through the tides once again.
Needless to say,
hiding my face under a mask is so passe.
I searched for new ways to hide and take cover,
still that postion is still behind you.
The thread I would want to loosen every single day
keeps pulling against me.
Occasionally having a few laughs may seem out of habit.
Gradually it loses its effect or power and I drift off aimlessly again.
One would say to sew the coat with the cloth given.
Everything in my possession is good enough,
that I can be contented with what I have.
Changing it for the better perhaps might change my attitude.
As paradoxical it may be,
my inner self tells me it has always been true.

Countless reminders.
Uncountable wounds.
Unforgettable times.
Desperate attempts.
I've sworn to myself that I would not ever
fall into this sinister little lie.
I can't stop myself from getting into heaps of trouble.
Despite countless swears,
I still find myself stuck in the same pathetic situation that
I was always in from day one.
How nice it would be to gladly ask someone
to give a wake-up call on my face.
You have fulfilled my fantasies,
what about my reality?
I just can't seem to get your picture out of my head,
it was like a broken fragment of my memory,
waiting to be fixed by a average craftsman.
You rekindled the fire within me,
then extinguish it with a soft breeze of your grand exit.
What more can I ask from you?
Gradually you are nothing more than a faded memory,
a memory that will never ever be brought up.
Steeling myself for these emotional turmoils are not my thing.

You vanished from my sight from the moment you appear.
You took flight the minute the weather clears.
You dashed off the second when the time comes.
Likewise,
today is such a typical example.
I kept these silly prescriptions in my head that
you would walk away,
leaving me cold hard and bitter.
Nonetheless you have expressed them marvelously today.
Unforunately,
this time,
you didn't turn your back like you did once before.
Such a mistake that I would hold myself accountable
if such a serious matter goes into a total disaster.
As much as I try to,
I can't seem to forget the times we had.
As much as I try to avoid,
you seem to be bouncing back.
Once again,
I don't understand your motive of your search for me.
I'm unable to track down the evidence as to why you keep coming back.
As I'll ever be,
I always let time take me along.
Grasping every chance and breath I have to hold onto that last shimmer of hope

Gaze upon the night sky,
what do you admire?
Gaze upon an artifact,
what value do you see?
Gaze upon the sun,
what despondent colours cast on your magnificent features?
What about gazing upon your face?
Do I see the colour of roses framing the very perfect line of your face?
Or squinting at you to get a better view of the sunset?
I depict you nothing but a mere average person.
The colours or should I say your glow,
gone like the gush of the soft breeze.
Hyberbolic at times,
I took it as a sign of humor.
Gradually,
you lose your touch.
Nothing but a mere kindred free spirit.
You go wherever the wind takes you,
I go wherever fate takes me.
Getting dragged along is not something I'm accustomed to.
Getting pushed over is more of something but a faded memory.
There are no instructions when it comes to this.
We don't speak the same language when the time comes.
Define free spirit.
I'll say one with one's own mind and world,
ignoring comments of others,
letting your true self out.
Define fate.
Something that is already predetermined.
Fate and free spirit don't walk side by side.
I am bound to fate as my unweary self is bound by chains in prison.
You can't soothe the beast inside of me.
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
That phrase has never been in my dictionary.

Words are beyond compromise.
Actions are mere justifications to problems.
Feelings are mixtures of everything,
one thing which I can never stand.
I never compelled myself to activities that
require my help.
I prefer to remain in the absence of everything.
If I knew then,
I wouldn't have chosen this.
If I knew then,
I wouldn't have walked down this path.
Faults here and there,
I acquire nothing but your presence.
I claim to not know all your problems
Define myself as nothing but a mere friend.
In my picture,
you are a true friend to me indeed.
I sense zero gravity between us.
You are the same reflection I see everyday.
Perhaps I don't get the opportunity of receiving you everyday,
but you seem to be the carefree soul I still know.
If I know now,
I would change my plans.
Perhaps I would be in another state,
for all I know
I may be with you now.
Last words of a person doesn't signifies his last glance.
We will never change,
no matter how you define us.

Worthless were we
Helpless we were.
There is nothing we can fo to stop this tragedy.
How can we live to see another day?
We jumped through every obstacle,
you said we will make it.
Despite my restless nerves, I still believed you.
Watching with tainted eyes,
seeing you stroll past without any acknowledgement,
kills me inside out.
A glance in my way is nothing but a notation to my heart.
A moment with you is nothing but a sweet heaven that I hold dear to.
Nevertheless how foolish my plan was,
I carried on acting my role.
I stuck my mind with fantasies and happiness
that I tend to forget none of this will ever happen.
I search deeply to show some sign to stop this foolishness.
Despite that, your presence overpowers me.
That bond I share with you depletes my senses.
I knew the time will come when the truth will be set free.
Till that time arises, I continue to live in this life.
After you kill me,
hate me,
shun me,
thats when I know I have been living in a lie.

Sometimes we do things to please another.
But when you feel accomplished of your great work,
it doesn't literally mean the person would regard it as one.
Sometimes you feel the awkardness between two parties.
The silence drifting past each other after
each torment I've been given every meeting.
I try my best to hold it in,
and give myself another chance to prove my worth.
In the end,
I get it right smack into my face.
Gradually,
losing my confidence is one thing.
Losing you as a friend is another.
I will always remember the quiet purr of the engine when
we were in the car together.
Communication seemed to cease between us.
I got so sick and tired of this game,
I almost want to opt out of it.
This time I got another empty sheet of paper from you,
expecting me to draw out a magnificent creature.
I've been this way for months.
Even during Christmas.
Today is another year for me,
another year to endure your stubborness.
Maybe another and another.
Nevertheless,
I make use of what I have to pass your test.
This drawls on for months.
I spent another "festive" holiday in your grasp.
I guess this is "happy" new year for me...