Why do little things bring us down?
Why do we have to spend so much time
to revive back what we have lost?
This time its not a I win-you lose situation.
Its one man for himself.
I walk alone and face those threats coming at me.
One mistake is all that is needed
to kill me.
Only thinking if I should pull back or keep going forward.
Will it be for the best or still a hopeless situation?
The worst part is
how to relay my news to others.
How I can relate my problem to others?
How to put my situation in the most probable polite tone,
and not to raise my voice.
So as to prevent another conflict between us,
I decide to cover my tracks with lies.
The further I walk,
the more I lied,
the easier it became.
In the end,
I'm all covered in lies.
When I became exposed,
the harder it became to patch it up.
I patch it up with another lie,
and I got myself into this mess.
I cannot help myself,
I didn't want to upset you,
you wouldn't listen.
You think you know what's best for me.
No doubt you use your voice of reason,
it still pains me to say that I just don't want to accept this offer,
I'm still sorry that I've to do this.
Sorry...

How hard is it to make a decision?
I underestimated myself,
thinking that there will be a time I will not have to make such
a tough decision.
Torn between both worlds.
With only one choice.
Given one,
choosing over friends.
Given the other,
sacraficing friends and walk into a totally new environment,
just because I don't trust myself anymore.
I don't trust myself if I'm able to
overcome this challenge.
I don't even trust my own words,
my own determination to carry me through these years.
I say I can and will do it,
inside doubt fills me completely.
There is always a possibilty of failure,
it only matters how hard I'll fall when that happens,
and how quick I'll be able to get back up on my two feet.
Weighing my options
yet I still find myself
stuck at a position.
Neither moving forward nor back.
My mind feels like it has been hit by a tornado,
nothing it can do to calm my rocking frantic mind.
All I can do is,
make a mistake and try to correct it.
Unable to make a choice...
Torn between two worlds is such an unghastly feeling...

You don't know how it feels like
to be sitting at a corner
being ignored by those who care.
You don't know how it feels like
how to not be taken seriously,
when everyone treats you as a joke.
You don't know how it feels like
to be out of the picture,
giving excuses to be opted out.
You don't know how it feels like
to experience the excuriating pain
coming from inside of you.
You don't know how it feels like
to have so many loved ones "caring" for you,
yet still blinded by their true intentions.
You don't know how it feels like
to be the one bedridden while you conciously
see and hear others silent contentments.
Lying there,
awaiting the day for departure.
Subconciously thinking that that day would arrive anytime soon.
Always staring at the same scene countless times,
dispute over matters,
unwanted tears,
failing limbs,
unable to be understood.
Only able to be strapped there,
and everyone surrounding you,
grasping you so tightly.
Me sitting at a corner realising that this is not the type of treatment
you should deserve.
All of your soul is slowly drained away as you count the endless days.
You holding on to the last thread of hope within you.
The world revolves around you and
you are helplessly left behind suffering along
just because no one truely understands how you feel.
I willed myself not to cry,
I promised to myself that I would not leave until
I've finally settled my private matters.
I swear to myself that I will not leave
any unfinished disputes.
I told myself that I will stand the pain
no matter the costs.
Seeing you suffering so much,
hurts me from the inside.
I know I don't have much time left,
but I just can't bear to leave my loved ones.
I take this as a blessing,
let this be the last time you see me frown.
Please be happy and cherish what you have before its too late.
Then that will be the time I willingly let my tears fall...

Its the littlest things that makes us happy.
A pocketful of sunshine
following us is enough.
When was the time when luck came knocking on the door?
When it ever did,
we just let it slip between our fingers.
Total opposites we are.
But I chose to lead a blind eye,
thinking that everything is going to be alright.
Now that we are here,
I suppose that you want to withdraw yourself.
Hide from the danger,
finding every possibility to avoid the situation.
There are entrances and exits.
Now that you accomplished that grand entrance of yours,
I expect another show put on.
Seeing you sauntering away from my life,
gracefully heading towards the exit.
Now you seem to be stuck in a position.
You are neither here nor there,
I'm the one having the laugh
while you slowly ripped yourself to shreds.
Slowly disintegrating yourself,
slowly fading away
like a distant memory I'm unable to recall.
But with every battle there will be scars of the past.
No matter which way you choose,
scars inflicted from your past still haunt you down.
You crossed the barrier,
you started your misery.
The one who created the war,
must also create a solution.
The one who created the war,
must also find both entrances and exits.

Its sad to know that a little problem is able
to cause such a big fuss or temper.
Its even more sad to know that a big problem
creates more trouble and fustration.
One little thing is able to bring misery and happiness.
Depending on the balance of right and wrong,
good things always come to an end.
Bad things always keep on repeating,
like history repeating itself
when we unfurl the chapters of the book.
One little thing is able to bring tears to us,
we try to hold it in.
But there are times when we have to let it out.
They bombarded us with news,
we hold our heads high up,
determined to know and embrace our future.
Never will we back down,
never will we stop.
Never will you see a tear drop.
Today is the day when tearshed is completely hopeless.
What done has been done.
Let the music flow through our veins as if it were there all along.
Let us embrace this fact and let it coarse through our soul.
Today is the day you won't see me crying.

Emotions.
Feelings.
They are like the wind.
They come and go as they please.
Free to be
Free to desire
Free to wander
Free to run
The only thing straining them down,
are ourselves.
The mastermind behind all these
They are like our slaves,
handcuffed by our thoughts and actions.
Only to be summoned at the time of need.
Just maybe,
if we are willing to let it go.
We let them travel,
travel to the vast oceans,
soaring high above the clouds.
Just maybe,
our troubles will go away
along with them like the wind.
Shunned by our emotions we were.
Stressed by our feelings we had.
No one would understand the opposite
no matter how desperate or hard they try.
Words; Expressions; Thoughts
My words fly up,
my thoughts remain below;
Words without thought never to heaven they go

I maintain silence because its what I do best.
I only bend that rule when needed.
Different people
Different attitudes
Different way of life
Different perspectives
Different issues
Different mindsets
Different paths
Different personalities
Absolute strangers
yet thinking they will be able to continue,
strolling down the park when its time.
Difference is just not the same.
Nothing is alike at all.
You went one big round just to make matters worse
You say the wrong things to make people like you.
For once,
have you ever said anything predictable
or at the very least accurate?
The fun times we had,
the miserable times we experienced,
the solem road we still have to pass,
the different aspects of life.
Its time the journey ends here.
You are in the seventh act.
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
they have their entrances and exits,
and one man in his time plays many parts,
His act being seven ages.

Living life as the way it is.
Bearing no judgement as I walk down
this thoroughfare.
Bearing no thoughts of you and me,
spreading my wings to fly away.
When the Nazis killed the Jews,
I maintained silence
because I was not a Jew.
When someone was falling into darkness,
I maintained silence
because I was not the one.
When the country was in a war,
I maintained silence
because I was not the one fighting for my pride.
When other loved ones are in peril,
I maintained silence
because i don't know them, they don't know me.
When my friends break down into tears,
I maintained silence
because they are not my problems I need to face.
When others are in fustration,
I maintained silence
because those are not my conflicts.
Now the wheels of time turn against me,
misty fog blinds your eyes.
Its sad to know this.
When I was in trouble,
everyone maintained silence.
There everyone sat,
behind the jury box,
where I was standing alone at the witness stand.
They were there for me,
but their kindness never seem to be reaching into their eyes.
Their worry ceases to be summon to their expressionless faces.
They were there for a purpose,
like what I done to them
what they will do to me.
Silence is nothing but a rule.
Its nothing but a emotion.
Yet I selflessly underestimated its power.
No one cares about what I do.
Silence is golden.

Days pass.
I feel nothing but the numbness of my skin.
I'm tired of living this way.
I lost my senses,
I pratically cannot continue living this manner.
My eyelids are drooping heavily,
my concentration level is dropping by the second.
I just don't have the energy to generate myself,
my body doesn't even listen to me anymore.
Its like walking through the same routine again and again.
Waking up to another same lifeless day,
completely unable to summon laughter and colour
into my gloominess reality world.
My adrenaline rush let me down again and again.
I feel so weak,
physically and mentally frail.
How am I going to move on to my next milestone in life,
when I'm uncapable of overcoming
this sense of insomia?
A dead girl living in dead world.
Everything seems so gray now,
as if God did not paint my world and left it in its original state.
The remains of death haunts this gray zombie world...

Distance.
Spacing.
Attraction.
No matter how or what,
why do I always find myself wanting more?
When will I ever learn not to accept reality?
When will I ever learn not to be greedy?
Your aura attracts me,
your soul,
your chaotic mind.
Now,
your little party made me lose my mind.
Your masquerade is just like a perfect little dream
that I can't bear to wake up.
I can't even navigate through the halls of my life,
I can't reclaim back my identity.
A little starry night that changed my life.
You tipped the balance,
the scale to imperfection,
now exists...

After all this time,
I finally got what I always wanted.
God has finally answered my prayers.
My misery business has finally been completed.
I don't mean to brag,
but i finally got what I wanted!
My wildest dreams are all coming true,
none of them ever involving you.
Me engaging in this is already a mistake that
I was willing to pay the price for.
Another time another day,
as time roll pass without me knowing...
Perseverence rubbing off,
the memoirs of me swearing at this point,
comes to an end...
I've finally finished my
HIGHER CHINESE paper in record time!!
But prepared to suffer when the results come out...
God may not answer my prayer when that time comes....
There is no such thing as equality and fairness in this world.
If there ever is,
why can't I be rich and famous?
Why am I stuck here suffering with CHINESE?!

Routines.
Cycles.
Habit.
Positions.
Aren't you tired of all these?
The continunous vicious cycle of something so dreadful,
something or boring and that it has become
part and parcel of your life.
That habit of mine,
is something that is so difficult to cure,
to stop.
Its like a part of me being torn away from my life,
I want to get out of this situation,
i yearn for freedom,
I can't stand being stuck in a cage,
its consuming me from the outside,
something i would not let...
Just like me,
you too want freedom.
Staring out of the window,
wishing you can be somewhere else except here.
Yearning of the heart,
is so painful that its almost impossible to cure....
If you found the remedy,
tell me....

Life.
Who created it?
Was it god?
Or was it something else?
Was it fate that brought mankind to this world?
Then when mankind perish,
what other forms of living organisms would take our place?
No longer would it be the dinosaurs or giant mammals,
their time is done...
During our lifespan,
did we really make full use of it?
Did we learn anything in the process?
Did we find any new discoveries?
Did we learn to accept reality?
Things that were not meant to be
and those that were...
Those things that we come across once in our life,
that times when we didn't get the chance to grasp it within our holds.
Those things that I learnt...
which I swear that literally boiled me to my core...
1. i hate 秦始皇,
~reason being he did not burn all of the chinese books~
~I won't be the one suffering now~
2. I must listen to my dad's advice from now onwards for chinese
~He was correct that I should have memorise my compos~
3. NEVER EVER DRINK WINE WITH GARLIC
~I know its random, but seriously the feeling sucks and the taste is hell~

This is the very first not emo post I have ever posted since March
after what jasmin said....