These corridors,
these walls,
these building,
bring deep memories back.
They flood back in a flash,
those emotions,
those times,
those laughter and joy we had.
When I was feeling down,
you were there no matter rain or shine.
As I pass by,
these corridors are nothing but plain doors,
opening to those horrid memories I want to forget.
You treat me like a stranger,
those eyes filled with mask innocence,
those eyes filled with vast emptiness,
empty and lonely they were,
and never will they change.
You drove the dagger straight into my heart,
a single bullet hit me,
hit me where it would hurts the most.
Your laughter rings in my ears,
your face appears in my nightmares,
is there no escape?
I can't resist the temptation,
someone,
end this misery of mine....

Someone asked me this question,
do you believe in heaven or in hell?
my answer was hell.
Hell,
being the reason,
our world,
our universe,
considered nugatory compared to everything.
We are living in complete chaos,
rules and regulations are set to keep us on track,
never to go astray,
still I don't see that happening.
Hell,
depicted as fiery and painful, inflicting guilt and suffering.
The damned souls enter that world,
paying their price by not being able to recarnate.
The world we live in is already hell.
Can't you see it by the gloomy dark days we continuously
kept leading,
every soul contains dread and tiredness.
Can't you see that we are continuously repeating the same mistakes
all over again and already,
we pay the price for what we wronged.
Earth,
in my eyes,
was actually heaven...
But with us mankind walking on this planet,
we bring nothing but destruction and fear to others.
We bring fear to animals,
even to ourselves.
We bring war everywhere we go.
Unnecessary bloodshed has been spilled,
everyone has to be blamed.
Where did all the peace and tranquilty go?
Where did the earth ,
we once lived peacefully in,
"little heaven on earth",
run off to?
Did we chase it away?
Is it ever going to come back?
Living everyday in hell is already a torture.....
A torture that everyone has already seemed to accept...

Your presence,
your scent,
your absence,
your ignorance...
everything about you,
your flaws,
your weaknesses,
your character...
Everything about you overwhelms me.
When you are not with me,
I can hear your whispery breaths blowing against my ear,
your husky voice,
I always know where you will be,
where you will not be.
That would be where I would try to avoid,
no matter what happens,
no matter what the consequences were,
I still found myself walking to you.
There is a magnetic attraction pulling me to you.
Was it by a stroke of luck that you come to cross my path?
Or was it that fate has set me here to start my life anew?
Whatever it is,
I don't believe in luck.
Once or twice,
it may be concidental or on purpose.
If luck ever existed,
why am I bearing such a terrible fate now?
Dreading everytime I don't get to catch a glimpse of you,
angry at myself for letting you in too easily.
Now that you are in,
its not easy to come out.

You brought the seven deadly sins to me.
Lust.
Your compulsion,
trangression,
drew me into the depths of hell,
where I was consumed by the flames of death.
Greed.
You made me want more,
it was a sin of excess,
resistance,
I cannot satisfy my temptation of wanting more.
Wrath.
Bringing in hate and anger into my life.
Manifesting inside of me,
I can't accept the vehement denial of truth,
I want to do harm to myself and others.
Envy.
Its the sorrow for another's good.
The envy inside of me,
eats me then wraps me up and turn me into something I'm not.
Pride.
I was overconfident.
I let my guard down,
when I shouldn't have.
The walls of my heart come shattering down like i've been exposed.
Looking back at what you have done,
do you have a sense of guilt at all?
You planted these seeds into me,
to let them grow out of me.
So that everyone can see for what I am.
But I know deep inside,
this is what I'm not.
Its you who is to blame,
you led me astray,
like the serpent winding its way to ultimate control.
Sometimes I wonder,
are you the god of my dreams,
or are you satan?
The devil of my nightmare

I didn't mean it at all.
It was by accident.
It wasn't meant to be this way,
my ultimate plan was ruined.
you took away my happiness,
I thought we could go together,
leaving together in bliss.
Honestly,
i have been awaiting this day.
The day when we could be united as one,
where no one could upset this balance of silent contentment.
But you should have given in to me.
If you knew me well enough,
you should have known about my detests.
When you had the chance to stop,
you didn't,
you are like adding salt to my wounds.
All those days of us being together,
seems to be fading away.
There is a barrier in between us,
what have I done?
You have awakened me from my slumber,
now its time for me to go back to sleep.
The deep painless sleep that I always enjoyed.
You shouldn't have,
now you have messed me up,
you brought the sun to my life,
the angels that light my way,
the wonderful wind that caress my hair.
But now,
all I feel is the numbness of your touch.
You drove the dagger straight into my heart,
its time to fix my shattered heart.
Its time to reclaim back what I've lost.

I can't help it,
I try not to feel this way.
But I can no longer hold it in.
I stare into space,
every inch of silence surrounds me.
Thoughts appearing in my head,
thoughts of me and you.
Those that are never meant to be.
You found a new direction,
a new path to walk on
while I'm left stranded on this thoroughfare.
Nothing you say matters now,
but your actions does.
All of our minds and lines have already been spoken,
what else is there to say?
I let the emotions take control of me,
still there is nothing I can do.
When everything falls,
all you can do is to accept the fact that
what's done has already been done...

It sucks doesn't it?
You are kept in the dark,
cos that is what I always do...
I never like to tell people what is troubling me,
unless I cannot fight the urge to say it out.
If not,
just take it like
i'm a mute...
When something comes and knock you down.
All you have to do is to get back back on your feet,
and continue this journey no matter what.
My thoughts are something you can't decode.
How did we even get here in the first place?
My thoughts,
my worries.
You don't seem to get them.
Do you see what we have done?
We have made such big fools out of ourselves...
There is something I see in you,
the more I wander,
more likely I'll suffer....
Its a new divide between both of us.

One is not enough.
Two seems good enough for me.
The more I looked at your posts,
it drove me to the edge of the cliff.
There you are,
having fun when you cannot even see what is in front of you.
Can you even admit that i'm your friend?
If something is just in front of you,
then why can't you see it?
To me,
I'm just an "it",
nothing more nothing less.
If others are able to see,
why can't you?
Obviously I'm the one sounding like a bitch now,
but the more i pass by,
more hate boils inside.
You can say that its always me who is bringing the mood down.
But think about it,
if it wasn't you,
would we be in this state?
You sound so happy,
that you enjoy yourself,
then why bring others into this terrible misery?
This time,
you think of me as a stranger.
There is nothing but ignorance in your eyes...

Who in their right mind would want to be hurt?
Who in god's name would want to get angry?
Of all reasons,
why am i bringing god?
Even his existence is not clarified among everyone....
Then what is the point of believing,
when He is not going to bring salvation to all of us?
Where is He when we need him,
when His presence is crucial in that point of time?
Then again,
why am I bringing Him up?
Maybe its because I need salvation,
I need his help.
No matter how many times you pray,
He doesn't appear...
I'm not expecting Him to come on a white horse
with a shiny armour and a clean brandished sword by his side...
This only happens in fairytales,
and we are living in the real world.
Those pixes and fairy dusts are nothing but illusions in our heads...
When will we ever learn to grow up?
When do we ever learn to accept that the world we live in,
its just cold and deceptive....
I want this to end,
where are the gods when you need them??

You think you know everything do you?
You think you can just let me sit there watch you,
like i'm like a stalker?
You let me see you for what you are,
what i'm not.
you made me see the true you,
the side that I always saw and it never ceases to stop.
The side which I always hate,
but you always like to bring it out of you.
Hearing your voice on the phone,
seriously made me want to bang my head on the wall like forever.
You act like everything in the world is full of happiness.
It makes me sick in the stomach to hear it!
Hearing your laughter in the background,
hearing you shouting and acting cute,
seriously made me felt like,
did i make the right choice?
People suffer for their mistakes,
i'm prepared to do so.
So you can finish off what you have started,
don't leave the job half-done...

I can't bear to look at you.
I can't take another glance.
The more I think about it,
the more horrible i feel.
Why do you make me feel this way?
All the things you have done for me,
all the things you have tried to help me with,
i understand how stressful it is,
if it all turns out what you thought it won't be.
Little did I know,
you are making this game more difficult.
You cannot bear to lose.
You are making it difficult for me to make a decision.
What shall I do?
If I make the wrong choice,
I'll get the bitter feeling inside of me.
Those times with you,
bitter sweet and sour,
I'll remember them all...

what has gone wrong between the two of us?
you act as if i'm always in the wrong,
i'm always the one trying to make things worse.
you can even compare me to other things,
that are considered peanuts to you,
you make my choices for me,
when i'm already independent,
independent enough to be able to make my own decisions,
old enough to think of what would the outcome be,
if ever failed or succeeded.
you never seem to be able to trust me, are you?
trust is waht you lack in your soul.
you can use your tactic by screaming at me,
as if that overpowering commanding voice is able
to tame me down.
never will i let you do this ever again.
never will i let you hurt me like this again.
never will i shed tears in front of you.
and never will i open up to you.
NEVER AGAIN.

remember all those things we wanted?
weren't they just within our grasp?
but why is it now far from us?
there was no moving on from there ever since,
we have been stuck on the spot...
i got to breathe,
you can't take it from me.
its either me or you.
our light,
fire in our souls,
are no longer as bright as it is before.
its just a cold flame waiting to get blown away.
how did we get into this stage?
the fire burning in your eyes,
how i miss those times when you look at me with those eyes.
how i miss that light....