yuenping

2010-07-14T23:30:00.002+08:00

I have heard many stories.

Stories concluding happy endings and ultimate happiness.

The perfect dream

Where I will never have to face reality

A perfect getaway

But no.

Countless nightmares topple over one another.

The pain sears through my weak frail skin

The matters I have to worry about

The trivial things that come to my mind when I’m not around you.

It is ridiculous to get repeatedly hurt

It is absurd to realise the stressful situation you are trying to salvage

One little mistake leading to the next

It wears me down

Getting emotional about all this

Isn’t it a waste of my time?

If it is,

I would have quit a long time ago.

Then what am I holding onto now?

I cannot carry on any longer

But I do not want to lose this battle

I do not even know what to do

I am practically helpless and terrified of what is going to happen next

If I am causing you pain,

Why didn’t you let go when you had the chance?

Why didn’t you leave before matters get out of hand?

This is ridiculous. Why am I going crazy over this? How I want to cry. How I want to run back into the comfort of your arms. How I want your presence now. I want my tears to flow freely like they did once before. They never did.

2010-07-05T21:16:00.002+08:00

Its like you are a drug

A demon I can’t face down

I let you overwhelm me,

My emotions,

My life.

You are like a leech,

Sucking the life from me.

Its like I can’t breathe,

Not able to see anything,

Blinded by your presence

And the shield you hide yourself in

A ghost that haunts my past,

That never quits.

I cannot live a day

Without you interrupting me,

Interrupting my thoughts,

My dreams,

My life.

There seems to be no remedy to my situation.

You made me what I’ve dreaded.

A stranger

You have become my drug

My addiction.

Without you,

I’m nothing.

2010-06-05T00:28:00.000+08:00

I’m drifting

Drifting along the calm pristine waters of the ocean

I’m floating

Floating among the clouds

Never wanting to fall back into Earth

I was myself till something shot me out of the sky

I plummeted down

Straight into the murky depths of reality

You crash landed into my dream

Leaving no room for illusions in my quiet life I wanted

Not able to dream for I know they will always be interrupted by your presence

I left myself undefended against reality since my steel walls of illusions disintegrated since your fall

Tell me how am I supposed to carry on with my life when you chained me?

Not only that

Your little charade has left me broken

My soul felt like it was ripped out from its heart

As dramatic as it may sound

You have shattered my soul into pieces that cannot be revived

Picture perfect memories that were once beautiful

Turned into ashes at the touch of fire…

2010-05-25T21:42:00.000+08:00

Reminiscing

Desire to get over

Free from troubles and yearns

Stumbling upon your frequent spots

Trigger lots of unwanted memories into my mind

The bittersweet times,

Regardless the fun I fondly missed and yearn for

I willed myself not to bring those times rolling back into my weak mind

How I want to surrender to this uphill battle,

I want to overcome this challenge but another part of me prevents me from reaching my undesirable goal

Unfortunately

Almost everything I see leaves a trail of your scent

How am I supposed to believe that nothing will change?

Somehow change is always ongoing

And nothing can stop it

I simply cannot place my trust in everything

I don’t want to end up falling apart when the chapter ends

I don’t want to lose my last control I have over myself

I don’t want to give in to temptation

When all else fails,

I don’t want tears and misery at the end of the road

My future is all misty now

And you can take it all now

But you can never take yesterday

All the feelings that were bottled up will overflow one day

And when that day comes I’m not going to be there to empty its contents

Someone told me to take caution when it comes to love

Did I really follow?

2010-05-23T00:26:00.000+08:00

You

Everything about you

You are the sound of a storm brewing

The “enchanting” words of encouragement simply took me by surprise

I assumed you would understand

I assumed you would know how much it hurts

Assumptions completely differ from your true colours

Don’t feign surprise or dismiss my thoughts as mere words

You have not realized how deep your dagger has stabbed my wound

You did not know how menacing your words were,

How they dripped like poison off a lilac flower

How they sound so sickening and detesting at the same time

Don’t laugh them off as if they are your joke of the day

How I want to wipe that evil, malicious grin off your face.

Especially when it comes around and hits you hard on your face

2010-05-20T22:15:00.001+08:00

I believe

I believe that I would be able to withstand any force that rocks me to the core

I believe that I would be able to live “monotonously”,

Nothing will be able to upset the momentum I have set for myself

I believe that I would be able to survive those harsh winds when they sweep me off my feet

Most importantly,

I believe that I would be able to live my dreadful life without your presence.

But now

Everything seems to be contradicting everything I once believed in.

You brought light into the darkest of caves

Sending pleasures of laughter and joy with just your actions

Your presence enchants me day by day

And I swear I can never grow weary of it

Your glow outshines everything in this world…

I once believed in independence

Is that belief a reality when you are not here beside me?

2010-05-07T22:09:00.001+08:00

Temptations

Lures victims into his cold awaiting embrace

Helpless souls get sucked into the vortex with no means of escape

This would have never happen if you weren’t here in the first place.

Your mysterious being entrap me in your gaze

Your eyes locked into mine,

Staring deeply into those black whirlpools of death.

Those irises are the darkest caves that attract the attention of wanderers into the clasp of certain doom.

Am I the only one to see you for who you are?

What you are not?

Your absence is not of the essence

I do not require your presence to make me feel warm and secure.

I knew it from the start.

That I should not have cast my eyes into those seductive black pools.

As seducing as it may be,

I do not wish to be tempted by you any further.

You will just leave me burning in the end

I am nothing but a mere addition to your collection.

Another soul waiting to be broken.

2010-04-25T19:04:00.001+08:00

Forge my heart

Remold it

Cast it into the boiling pits

Take it out of the fire

Drop it into cooling water

Hammer it with brute force

Leave it aside

Tie it to a leather belt

Thus becoming a prized possession

Brandish it

Then throw it into the river

Where it’s lost forever

Lost in the deep depths of undergrowth

Awaiting the return of its owner

Never did he come

Never did he search for it

Never did he worry about it

Because he knew he could easily obtain another

He left it drifting in murky waters

Decades after decades

No one bothered anymore

The burning fire in it has died out

Discarded

Just like that

No kindred soul willing to pick up where it left off

Forge my heart once more

And the vicious cycle repeats itself

When will it ever cease??

2010-04-10T13:29:00.002+08:00

The fun and tears we had,

seems so distant now that you are leaving.

Just so you know,

I'm sure we both didn't really notice the changes

we experience in these few years.

Until when we really look back,

we start to wonder how fast time flies.

It was just yesterday that I got to know you and then

its already the present fact that you are going.

Just know that we will miss you guys

and hope that we will do you proud.

So i just wanna say....

WE WILL MISS YOU SENIORS!!

P.S. I know this post of mine is not even counted emo (how shocking!)

the first not emo post in how many years liao.... :)

2010-04-05T22:23:00.002+08:00

I miss those brown eyes,

I know I will miss your face when i gaze upon you.

I miss the deep blue sea eyes i stare into whenever I feel down.

But now everything seems to contradict the past,

why do things have to change?

Why must we experience this drastic change?

I miss the times we had together,

the laughs and the tears.

But I never told you

what I should have said.

I never told you,

I still held it in till this very day.

I miss everything about you,

your laughs,

your smile,

your gestures.

But why do you have to give me the cold shoulder now?

Every word you say to me,

sounds forced.

I never get another genuine smile from you.

I never get a wholehearted laugh from your lips anymore.

I never get a warm hug from you.

You leave me in the corner to drown in my own misery.

Perhaps you hate me,

perhaps its the attention you need from everyone,

and I'm stealing your limelight.

But I promise you will be the light in my heart.

Please don't shun me from your life.

2010-04-01T23:17:00.002+08:00

I hate it when I'm blinded by the dark.

I've never felt so helpless and frail before.

Its like I'm groping onto the torch which doesn't seem to work.

Its like holding on to my last bit of hope

before succumbing to the dark.

Surely that last faith I have in me would be

sufficient to save me from your jaws.

But no,

it seems to me that everything I do

is just not enough to please everyone.

You give me hints here and there,

the whole point of it is to make me wake up to reality.

I don't want to break my little dream of peace,

where its the only place I escape to,

to run away from problems.

Confusing me with your words and feelings,

I don't know what else to say.

You swore to tell the truth,

but is it a white lie?

I cannot differentiate between the truth and lie anymore.

And I shall refrain from doing so.

I do not wish to see the old me crumbling down into dust again.

The higher I place my hope in you,

the harder it will be for me to walk away,

and the pain will be more excruciating when all things fail.

I simply don't want to end up hating you.

2010-03-31T20:42:00.002+08:00

Time waits for no one.

This phrase has exceptionally entered my mind

ever since the start of the year.

I am certain that you notice the changes happening,

the wind blowing in a opposite direction.

It seems to me that i'm waiting for a miracle that never happens.

Comparing against the previous year and the present,

I must admit that I revered you.

In retrospective to the times we had,

did it bring back any of the fun we had?

Despite the distance between us now,

I tried to add spice to the relationship

i'm desperately trying to salvage.

We once swore to each other that we would continuously

live and see each other in our own future lives.

But now,

I wonder if that promise or pact we made still exists.

The displeasure we had between us,

I want all of them to be erased from our minds.

Even though I know that the hurt and irritation still exists in our minds,

isn't our relationship worth much more than that?

2010-03-28T01:00:00.002+08:00

Feelings are like delicate petals on a rose,

every single petal represents different feelings.

Slowly,

the flower wilts,

does that signifies the end of emotions and feelings?

Those delicate soft petals slowly drop off from the bud,

leaving behind the core.

Nothing to defend or to protect it,

what would happen if the wind blows hard?

I bet it wouldn't be able to withstand the strong force.

A small slight force is able to it bring down,

does that imply to the fact of bringing a person down also?

Enclosing myself in a shield,

unaware of the world happening outside of my little world,

protected by my strong shield,

just like the petals shielding the bud from the cold.

Like always,

nothing will uphold its strength forever,

one day,

it will crumble into dust.

Just like my feelings crumbling away into dust,

taken away by the cold wind that sweeps the area.

I find myself having difficulties regaining my position,

not wanting to wake up to reality when it hits me time after time.

One part of me telling me to take it easy and let it go.

Another saying that I would be stupid to let it go that easily.

I am already growing weary of my surroundings,

this time you open me up to see the outside world with a new perspective.

Am I making the correct or wrong choice again?

2010-03-25T22:23:00.002+08:00

Realisation dawned on me,

I woke up to find reality hitting me hard,

crushing me forward with its ghastly timing.

Its like receiving my sentence from the jury.

Waking up to find myself throwing my head back

into the opening comfort of my pillow.

Unfortunately,

like always,

I have to face the music.

When will I ever return to my world full of hopes and dreams?

Those days seem so far away,

like they were someone else's life I shouldn't interfere.

This process can be so excruciating,

its abusing the strength in me.

How can life be so unfair?

2010-03-22T23:35:00.002+08:00

I have been living in a facade all along.

Under this pretend mask I hold in my hand,

I felt I can overcome anything in this world.

But ever since you entered through the door,

you slowly stripped off the pretense I held beneath me.

Bit by bit,

cover after cover.

Slowly, nothing left but a batch of fresh new scars,

waiting to be burnt again.

I had organised my pack of lies,

ready to cover up for any mistakes I made.

Why do you have to rip them apart like paper?

Those freshly burnt scars still sting,

those faded marks left still bring back haunted memories,

Luckily for me,

that mask sticks securely onto my face.

Never will it come down,

never will I have to reveal the true person behind it.

Confusion and lies fits the description perfectly.

2010-03-20T14:47:00.002+08:00

They say love is a beautiful feeling.

A feeling that words cannot describe the beauty of its power

They say love also brings pain.

The crushing sensation sweeps the feet of every being.

They say love is only temporary,

that everything will go away sooner or later.

Like a sweet tender hum of a lullaby I will slowly forget.

But no,

love brings back different feelings all at once.

The laughter we experienced,

the fustrations we controlled.

I may not be able to tell you face to face

because I know those words will never come out of my mouth

once I see you staring at me.

Your words usually lift my spirits.

But some of them bring me down.

The thought of you leaving kills me again.

But then again,

thinking back to my past,

I survived those days without you.

On the surface, I should be able to carry on.

But how could I?

How could I when I have grown accustomed to your presence??

2010-03-17T23:52:00.002+08:00

Life can be so ironic.

You try to please someone so badly,

without thinking that you will be letting down another.

Overall,

you still find yourself at a loss.

Its like casting jewels before the swine.

In the midst of satisfying someone else's needs,

you neglect another wants.

It just irks me.

As ironic it can be,

you find yourself wearing a mask all the time.

You take in the pleasure of seeing one enjoying,

you take in the complaints from another.

You step forward,

confront the situation.

Sadly,

that does not seem to be the case here.

These same mistakes are continuously recurring

like a broken tape recorder that cannot be fixed

which replays the same tune all over again.

The despondent you would try to figure out what went wrong,

and what should I do to please the person you did wrong.

The "bonafied" statement they gave me,

I don't know if I can even label it as a de facto or a another lie.

2010-03-14T19:56:00.002+08:00

You can't blame someone when they have doubts.

Especially when he or she doesn't want to be in the position

whereby humiliating oneself on front of many

and most importantly you.

She doesn't want to land up in the same defenseless situation

and most definitely not want to lose control over her emotions.

No one likes to see someone breaking down,

going head over heels for someone who is not even possible to start with.

One will continue delude herself with illusions and lies

to cover up for the hurt and sorrow inside of her.

Its a state of bliss that you will think

that you were dreaming the whole way through your life.

The pain and sorrow inside has been so great that

you can mistake it for a occasional feeling.

Since time took over all that is moving,

all i had to do was to trail after it.

Simple questions but no answers.

You experiencing this feeling with no reasons,

leaves me with suspicion.

I almost regard it as a lie or a joke.

No reasons or explanations to back up what you say.

How do you expect me to believe you?

I don't want to fool myself,

let alone embarrass myself in front of you.

Like you said,

suspicion is part and parcel of life.

Your words may contradict the truth hidden deep within you.

2010-03-10T22:47:00.002+08:00

All these years,

no one,

not even you,

has brought forth this change in me.

I don't know what spurred this on,

how it even started.

But one thing I know for certain,

an absence of faith blows past.

The hollowness deep within me,

simply cannot be put into words.

This neglected feeling,

is something new and out of the blue.

Its like i'm neither here nor there,

my empty spirit floating down the halls of my life.

Without a goal or purpose in life,

that's all I am ever good at,

that's all I am ever able to achieve.

Everywhere I go,

another memory haunts me,

eyeing for any weaknesses its able to get back at me.

Leaving me with a vast ocean of darkness,

with its inky alluring depths,

waiting to drag me further into the abyss.

2010-02-26T23:33:00.002+08:00

You search yourself deep within for an answer

You dived into the great depths to stumble upon your solution.

You trekked through the scorching desert to find your salvation.

All these adventures you went through,

you took every step with your head held high,

straightening your spine with every step,

ready to embrace what awaits you,

ready to fend off all the danger that approaches you.

What I'm trying to say is that,

you made it through without me.

In fact,

you don't even need my presence to continue your journey.

Like you said so yourself,

I'm only here to provide you the entertainment you need.

You need not bring me along on these perilous journeys,

I'm certain that you will do fine without me.

Needless to say,

you don't need me to bring you down any further.

2010-02-22T22:34:00.002+08:00

Tragedies befall on everyone.

Darkness creeps into the cockles of your warm heart,

you find yourself succumbing to darkness.

There will be a thin line separating you from the dark side.

Choices we make define us as a person.

Fumbling over choices will result in the fall of oneself,

it will be either here or in the future.

Everyone knows what evil you brought upon us.

I would regard you as

an omen,

a curse.

Still glancing back to see your state,

a tiny pinch of pity crawls into me.

Perhaps you've change for the better,

or maybe you wanted to bring happiness to those around you.

But no,

why play your role so well when everyone knows you are a hoax?

A beautiful innocent angel to everyone's eyes

A sinister heart-wrecking devil to mine.

Why can't everyone see for what you are?

Cut your pretense and wake up from reality

before you suffer the humiliation and anger,

before I peel your mask from your face.

2010-02-17T22:32:00.002+08:00

As time fly pass me,

I got weary of my surroundings.

Things are not what they were,

things are not what they have been.

Your masquerade has finally been revealed.

I finally get to see the angelic devil inside of you.

The mess you created,

the chaos you stirred up,

all points to the person's hand rocking the very first cradle

i had laid my eyes upon.

You carried out your duties diligently,

attracting different forces of mischief where ever you go.

Leaving me to clean up the mess you created.

Never in my mind would you do such a despicable thing,

your insolent mind i can take no more.

your agonizing attitude and struts.

I cannot put up with your turns and flips,

you can drive me up against the wall,

and do not take credit for the casualties you caused.

All this time,

I have been living under a shield of unawareness.

You keeping secrets from me,

you shunning me out whenever I am so close to finding out the truth.

Its time your superficial appearance comes to an end.

You have somehow made me believe that everything was close to perfection,

somehow able to manage that facade of yours.

Its time I reveal you for what you are

and what you are not.

I'm sorry to say that your little masquerade party is over.

2010-02-13T12:20:00.002+08:00

Glancing back to see who would follow my path

Turning back to read the expression on your face.

Your touch sends signals to me,

ever since I first met you.

Unfortunately for that,

you are nothing but a mere obstacle in my life.

Your presence or touch makes me feel numb.

Always signaling me negative thoughts through your actions.

I can't even feel after the way you touched me.

I feel pure disgust pouring out of me.

I shunned you out of life,

wishing that you will do the same for me.

For all I know,

we may be better off that way.

I am certain that you do not need me in your life anymore.

I was something that crossed your path,

but no significant enough to enrich you in the future.

Shut your eyes,

for all you know,

you may be waking up from a nightmare.

2010-02-11T00:13:00.002+08:00

As cautious as I'll ever be,

I will know who to look for and who I should avoid.

As alert I have or must be,

I must not ever make the same darn mistakes.

Under this concealment has always been such a pleasure,

until I was ripped apart,

merely by a few words.

I can justify my wrongs myself,

I don't need you to do that for me.

Sooner or later,

you are just going have to wake up,

I no longer need you next to me.

Your presence is not required any longer.

Those fun and laughter we had,

must be a distinct past.

I have never recalled anything that distinct me

between the past and present.

Needless do I need to mention about the future.

Passing through corridors with you tagging along,

I can take it no more.

Passing by you by accident,

without a sign recognition,

you turn your head and stalk off.

If this is how the game is going to be played,

so be it.

2010-02-06T00:37:00.004+08:00

I have been gullible in the past,
I let things slip my mind a lot.
I forgive and forget too easily.
But those are the traits you will never see
when the next few years come and go by.
I picture myself being able to accept you for who you are,
your flaws and everything.
Nevertheless,
I will always get pushed up against the wall one way or another.
I will never understand either part of you.
One would be the acting-out-of-kindness person,
trying to show me sympathy that you would always be there to catch me if i fall.
Another would be the unreasonable devil I see nowadays.
Storming in and out,
demanding and relinquishing my happiness.
I stayed on,
I don't know how much I'll be able to take.
My perserverance is wearing down by the second,
and there would be no second replacement.
I cannot expect any kindred soul to lift me out of my sorrows,
to save me from this torment.
I will always have to pick myself up,
and move on.
Literally this time,
I don't know how far I'll be able to go without support....

2010-01-31T21:59:00.002+08:00

Its time that we show our cards.
We have always been,
and always will be,
together as one.
Regardless of distance and conflicts,
we managed to perservere on till today.
Nevertheless,
there will be times when there is that eerie transaction between us.
Typically those when we past each other in the corridors,
a sharp turn of our heads,
we complete the process of ignorance.
A hint of acknowledgement in our eyes,
but we chose to ignore it and continue with our lives.
Everything between us is making me go insane.
I cannot even remember the last time we ever spoken to each other.
We just need that chance to come upon us again.
That will be when we regain back our true selves.
Till then I am hopeless at this stage.
Sentences hang adrift in the air between us.
We would not be able to complete them if time ticks by.
Secrets we shared,
conflicts we threw at each other,
those were not insignificant.
I can't stand the everlasting wrath of silence between us.
It has been in my existence since forever.
Be the first to break it for me.

2010-01-24T22:38:00.002+08:00

I try to move on without you.
Nevertheless,
you always manage to keep pace with me.
No matter how I tried to toss you aside,
you play me around like a puppet.
In this beautiful world i live in,
in that extravagant world you live in,
differs greatly from mine.
All because of you,
my heart has gone numb.
No salvation
No dependence on anyone.
No one to really understand the anguish i'm in.
No one to heal my wounds inflicted from you.
Even though that happens,
I was willing to risk my mental strength to stride alongside with you.
Still,
you threw cold water on my face.
Shield yourself in,
keeping everything within you.
All your fustrations kept secret,
all the pain hugging closely in you.
Patience is not of the essence now.
You boil the anger inside of me,
I detest myself for having such an emotion for you.
Why am I wasting my numb feelings for you?
All i want in return is your understanding.
What I got is your ignorance.

2010-01-23T20:13:00.002+08:00

I can't help it if you stare at me.
I am hopeless when I stare into those restless eyes of yours.
I am a sinner when it comes to such matters.
My heart has gone numb because of you,
hence here I am begging you to go easy on me.
Go easy on my emotions.
You throw me around like a stone,
something like a mere pebble in your warm hands.
The scars run so deep,
I just need time to regain back my strength.
Before you want to wreck my life,
at least try to have a little patience,
let my heart heal from its previous wreck.
This heart is unable to survive another dolor.
You can't extinguish this flame out of me,
you crush my only salvation in the world,
my salvation is also my destroyer.
Who is the real you??

2010-01-20T23:24:00.002+08:00

Living a life that I am not fit to be is such a torture.
Living two lives in a week depletes my mental strength.
Pressing the fast-forward button in my life,
you will probably see the same old plain girl living her life.
Pressing the go back button in my life,
you will once again see the girl you knew walking the same path of road.
Life has its ultimatiums and limits.
Emotions get in the way and somehow I find myself losing
the control I always keep inside of me.
Desperately trying to regain my composure to look strong
and capable of going through the tides once again.
Needless to say,
hiding my face under a mask is so passe.
I searched for new ways to hide and take cover,
still that postion is still behind you.
The thread I would want to loosen every single day
keeps pulling against me.
Occasionally having a few laughs may seem out of habit.
Gradually it loses its effect or power and I drift off aimlessly again.
One would say to sew the coat with the cloth given.
Everything in my possession is good enough,
that I can be contented with what I have.
Changing it for the better perhaps might change my attitude.
As paradoxical it may be,
my inner self tells me it has always been true.

2010-01-18T22:46:00.002+08:00

Countless reminders.
Uncountable wounds.
Unforgettable times.
Desperate attempts.
I've sworn to myself that I would not ever
fall into this sinister little lie.
I can't stop myself from getting into heaps of trouble.
Despite countless swears,
I still find myself stuck in the same pathetic situation that
I was always in from day one.
How nice it would be to gladly ask someone
to give a wake-up call on my face.
You have fulfilled my fantasies,
what about my reality?
I just can't seem to get your picture out of my head,
it was like a broken fragment of my memory,
waiting to be fixed by a average craftsman.
You rekindled the fire within me,
then extinguish it with a soft breeze of your grand exit.
What more can I ask from you?
Gradually you are nothing more than a faded memory,
a memory that will never ever be brought up.
Steeling myself for these emotional turmoils are not my thing.

2010-01-15T22:47:00.002+08:00

You vanished from my sight from the moment you appear.
You took flight the minute the weather clears.
You dashed off the second when the time comes.
Likewise,
today is such a typical example.
I kept these silly prescriptions in my head that
you would walk away,
leaving me cold hard and bitter.
Nonetheless you have expressed them marvelously today.
Unforunately,
this time,
you didn't turn your back like you did once before.
Such a mistake that I would hold myself accountable
if such a serious matter goes into a total disaster.
As much as I try to,
I can't seem to forget the times we had.
As much as I try to avoid,
you seem to be bouncing back.
Once again,
I don't understand your motive of your search for me.
I'm unable to track down the evidence as to why you keep coming back.
As I'll ever be,
I always let time take me along.
Grasping every chance and breath I have to hold onto that last shimmer of hope

2010-01-14T22:35:00.002+08:00

Gaze upon the night sky,
what do you admire?
Gaze upon an artifact,
what value do you see?
Gaze upon the sun,
what despondent colours cast on your magnificent features?
What about gazing upon your face?
Do I see the colour of roses framing the very perfect line of your face?
Or squinting at you to get a better view of the sunset?
I depict you nothing but a mere average person.
The colours or should I say your glow,
gone like the gush of the soft breeze.
Hyberbolic at times,
I took it as a sign of humor.
Gradually,
you lose your touch.
Nothing but a mere kindred free spirit.
You go wherever the wind takes you,
I go wherever fate takes me.
Getting dragged along is not something I'm accustomed to.
Getting pushed over is more of something but a faded memory.
There are no instructions when it comes to this.
We don't speak the same language when the time comes.
Define free spirit.
I'll say one with one's own mind and world,
ignoring comments of others,
letting your true self out.
Define fate.
Something that is already predetermined.
Fate and free spirit don't walk side by side.
I am bound to fate as my unweary self is bound by chains in prison.
You can't soothe the beast inside of me.
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
That phrase has never been in my dictionary.

2010-01-12T21:28:00.002+08:00

Words are beyond compromise.
Actions are mere justifications to problems.
Feelings are mixtures of everything,
one thing which I can never stand.
I never compelled myself to activities that
require my help.
I prefer to remain in the absence of everything.
If I knew then,
I wouldn't have chosen this.
If I knew then,
I wouldn't have walked down this path.
Faults here and there,
I acquire nothing but your presence.
I claim to not know all your problems
Define myself as nothing but a mere friend.
In my picture,
you are a true friend to me indeed.
I sense zero gravity between us.
You are the same reflection I see everyday.
Perhaps I don't get the opportunity of receiving you everyday,
but you seem to be the carefree soul I still know.
If I know now,
I would change my plans.
Perhaps I would be in another state,
for all I know
I may be with you now.
Last words of a person doesn't signifies his last glance.
We will never change,
no matter how you define us.

2010-01-08T20:47:00.002+08:00

Worthless were we
Helpless we were.
There is nothing we can fo to stop this tragedy.
How can we live to see another day?
We jumped through every obstacle,
you said we will make it.
Despite my restless nerves, I still believed you.
Watching with tainted eyes,
seeing you stroll past without any acknowledgement,
kills me inside out.
A glance in my way is nothing but a notation to my heart.
A moment with you is nothing but a sweet heaven that I hold dear to.
Nevertheless how foolish my plan was,
I carried on acting my role.
I stuck my mind with fantasies and happiness
that I tend to forget none of this will ever happen.
I search deeply to show some sign to stop this foolishness.
Despite that, your presence overpowers me.
That bond I share with you depletes my senses.
I knew the time will come when the truth will be set free.
Till that time arises, I continue to live in this life.
After you kill me,
hate me,
shun me,
thats when I know I have been living in a lie.

2010-01-01T00:36:00.002+08:00

Sometimes we do things to please another.
But when you feel accomplished of your great work,
it doesn't literally mean the person would regard it as one.
Sometimes you feel the awkardness between two parties.
The silence drifting past each other after
each torment I've been given every meeting.
I try my best to hold it in,
and give myself another chance to prove my worth.
In the end,
I get it right smack into my face.
Gradually,
losing my confidence is one thing.
Losing you as a friend is another.
I will always remember the quiet purr of the engine when
we were in the car together.
Communication seemed to cease between us.
I got so sick and tired of this game,
I almost want to opt out of it.
This time I got another empty sheet of paper from you,
expecting me to draw out a magnificent creature.
I've been this way for months.
Even during Christmas.
Today is another year for me,
another year to endure your stubborness.
Maybe another and another.
Nevertheless,
I make use of what I have to pass your test.
This drawls on for months.
I spent another "festive" holiday in your grasp.
I guess this is "happy" new year for me...

2009-12-21T20:42:00.002+08:00

I thought it was all over.
We broke it off without any harm done.
Words that don't signify anything relates to nothing.
Words that come from the heart truely bears the thought that counts.
I have to admit that without you,
my soul could never be put to rest.
As everlasting that it may seem,
all good things come to an end.
As expected,
I find myself crumbling down.
Those nights I find myself giving up.
I could end my misery any moment.
It took my heart to the limit to sever ties with emotion.
I was at the borderline to surrender.
Yet here I am,
able to live on with whatever comes in my way.
Needless to say,
overcoming this challenge is nothing but a dream.
I struggled to keep pace with what I had.
The bitter truth I have to face knocked me off completely,
falling in love is nothing but illusion.
Emotions from the heart wrecked me tonight.

2009-12-18T23:07:00.002+08:00

Is it possible to rewind back?
Is it possible to return to things the way they were?
Can we close one eye and move ahead,
irregardless of what we did.
We have experienced this so many times.
Does one more time make another difference?
Let us cast this aside and make another new beginning.
Each end has a new beginning does it?
In the past ends,
I apologise for what I did.
Even though we were known as the inseparable,
it is expected that one day we will walk different paths.
So better safe than sorry,
act now and think later i guess...

2009-12-18T00:28:00.002+08:00

There are both sides to every story.
I just want to say my piece and get it done and over with.
There are the times when I turned my back on you.
Those times I admit,
must have been really harsh.
Sure it was natural for you to look for another
when you were bored with my same gloom expression.
Sure you needed some comfort of your own.
Sure you needed your own time of fun and laughter.
If you have already achieved those during the period when
I was in the doldrums,
why didn't you come back?
Seeing you having fun I thought maybe you were just tired.
Entering and leaving has always been other people's habits,
but does it look like mine?
Its only fair for me to look to someone else when you were having the fun.
Don't expect me to wait here,
looking like a fool,
waiting for someone who doesn't turn up.
Sure I've given you high expectations.
Sure I've given you all I could.
But does that literally mean I'll just walk away anytime?
And does that imply the fact that I'll leave without any reasons of my own?
If someone does get hurt during this heart-wrecking process,
does it always have to be me?
You saw me without a soul beside me,
I only clung onto the passer-bys,
till then did you see me with both your eyes?
Sure you can say I was not the only one who got stabbed.
Sure you can that you did not enjoy a single moment of it.
Sure you are still entitled to your little zen.
Sure you are just a little girl searching her own little peaceful world.
At least you have someone to converse to during those days,
you can say you didn't enjoy them.
I've heard them so many times.
Yes you cannot please everyone around you.
Yes this whole incident is not just your fault entirely.
Yes you are just trying to avoid this situation again and again.
Yes you like everlasting moments especially good ones you can linger on.
And yes you desperately tried to cling onto what you can
when winds of torment blow hard against you.
I'm not trying to pin-point anything.
I just want to state my point.
I admit I can be a pain-in-the-ass sometimes.
I admit I have an attitude that not everyone enjoy having.
But from there can you imply that I started it all?
That I was the root of the trouble?
I just want to state my side of the story,
it doesn't even matter if you even regard this.

2009-12-18T00:07:00.003+08:00

You said once that I was the one you can
truly sincerely open up to.
I'll be ready to give you that.
It was always there in the first place,
only I don't know whether you took hold of the chance.
It doesn't have to end this way,
even if it does,
why aren't we preventing it from taking form?
Don't ask me why I'm always like this.
I'm still trying to sort out my thoughts.
Do you know what happens when the walls gets shaky?
The roof will in turn collapse sooner or later.
We are both but humans,
whose nature are suppose to be selfish.
Our selfless thoughts always come before others
no matter how we try to change it.
We were once the bright stars shining above,
the green grass across the widespread fields,
the trees standing tall during omnious days.
What happen to these times?
All kept under lock and key I suppose.
Reflect on your past and try to remember how
you treated others.
Dig out the truth from your heart,
only then will you realise what I've always been talking about.
This time,
I'm not able to lend a helping hand.

2009-12-17T22:42:00.002+08:00

Keeping promises aren't easy.
Keeping true to yourself is an entirely different thing.
You are holding your word to me that
are entirely empty promises.
Nothing more than just an plain old bubble.
Talking is cheap.
Down this road we have experienced many obstacles.
We have shared many.
You confine to me whenever needed.
I'll always be there to try to bring that frown upside down again.
I'll give you my word for that.
In return,
I don't ask for anything.
At most I'll just feel dejected.
I'll just hold my words in and keep everything inside.
Till then,
I try not to hold anything against you.
You are always hard to hold on to,
hence letting go is easier.
Sometimes I leave you to your little haven,
when i'm halfway gone.
My ultimate return makes me feel deprived of what I missed.
Hence I confine myself to my quarters and start killing myself inside.
Not everything is about you.
The more I try to fight the urge to spit out,
the more you show that ugly side of you.
The other side I've been missing looks like it has gone down the drain.

2009-12-15T22:30:00.002+08:00

Nevertheless how unfair you were,
I compelled myself to not complain.
Nevertheless how accountable you were not
for your mistakes,
I commanded myself the pain would all
go away sooner or later.
Perhaps I've made a harsh understatement,
I should have said something harsher to make
you realise your mistakes.
The more I try to correct,
the more your attitude takes the tide.
Nevertheless,
I took it all in.
It was all I could do before I cut the thread to menace.
These few days,
made me open my eyes to the true you.
To be honest,
I don't think I'll be able to take all of your charms.
I don't want any drastic changes between us.
Yet I know the possibility of your change,
that would be close to infinity.
Whence there was a connection between us.
Thereafter becoming nothing more than a common friendship.
I thought we had some special bond,
that seems to cease.
Looks like I've been drowning in my dreams all along
I did not open up to see what was really in front of me.

2009-12-09T21:58:00.004+08:00

I had my little world,
my little world of loneliness.
Till then,
nothing's much has changed for me.
I found myself wanting more and more.
I needed someone to be there for me.
So here I am.
Seeing you has become a habit for me.
Sometimes even an addiction.
Thinking back on how you look,
I know perfectly well that I'm not good enough for you.
your straight spikey jet black hair,
your golden-brown caramel-filled eyes,
your dark brown cheeks,
your oh so perfect dark pink lips,
your perfect breathtaking body
The strong arm gestures that swept me off my feet.
The warmth that radiates off you to keep me filled warm.
I can just stare at you for hours,
just you carrying on with your life.
I can't stop thinking about you.
I know that I'm not the first to say this.
But...
I think I love someone.
And that someone is TAYLOR LAUTNER!

2009-11-29T22:44:00.002+08:00

Stir of emotions swept through me
Currents of despair wash over me
Sadness like a tornado
tearing everything
in its path
For I,
am not able to survive through this wave
I clasped your hand tightly,
unwanting to let you leave so early
Your palm in mine,
so frail,
so small,
so cold
Your eyes,
staring ahead,
not able to look at me once,
not able to take a second blink
Your mouth,
hanging open
Your face,
cringed up,
all wrinkled up,
leaving lines over your smooth complexion
Your body,
as weak as it can be,
as still as it can ever be
I grasped you tightly,
repeatedly calling out your name.
No sign of recognition appeared on your face.
But wait
There it is
One small tear,
crept out of your eye
I will never ever forget you
I will never ever forget the way you looked at me
I will never ever forget the times we shared together
I will never ever forget how you laugh
I will never ever forget how miserable you look
You hand clasped in mine,
mine in yours
Just then,
a steady beep echoed across the room.
Thats's when I know you are gone forever.

2009-11-22T00:14:00.002+08:00

I was mesmerised by your features.
I was drawn deep into your past.
I was falling into the clutches of your warm body.
I was prevented by certain issues,
yet I cannot resist this temptation of mine.
I need to be with you,
to be near you.
Your dark sensationalistic voice
Your postures
Your attitude
Your passion for something you really yearn for
Your face when it crooks up into a grin
Your determined face when you are postively driven forward
Your buried expression when you keep something inside
Your miserable look when you are suffering from something.
Everything about you is just so compelling.
I can't help but draw myself nearer to you.
Every night I wonder how it would feel like to be in your steady arms,
feeling that slow steady beat of your heart.
Your warmth radiates around me,
keeping me warm from the cold that surrounds us.
Your black locks flying around wildly when the wind blows,
your hair sweeped away when I brush it aside
to stare at your dark deep brown eyes.
The intensity between us cannot be broken
The connection we have will always remain
Its like a bond that cannot be broken,
the electricity flowing past just by the stare of your eyes,
gazing deeply into mine.
I think I've fallen in love with you.

2009-11-19T23:07:00.002+08:00

You asked me
Do you feel neglected?
Do you feel unwanted?
Do you feel sad?
Do you feel contented?
I wanted to follow my heart,
for once let my heart take me away to the greatest of heights.
But gazing upon the reflection in your eyes,
I didn't want to let myself out.
Seeing that hint of pain and agony in you,
struggling to
make myself,
make yourself,
make everyone
have the best of everything.
Yet again,
I let my mind make that decision again.
I just want to avoid the conflicts in life,
I just want to enjoy the peace that I currently have.
For fear of making everyone around me suffer,
for fear of making everyone around me try their best
to appease me.
I detest walking into those steps once more.
I detest seeing people around me shed unwanted tears.
I detest entertaining disputes among yourselves.
Please put an end to all these unwanted discussions.
Sacrafice is not what I want to see.
Neither is it the reverse of the past.
Neither is it a happy ending.
We all know happy endings are reserved for fairytales.
All I want to see is
a happy smile upon your radiant faces
and not a upside frown and worn out faces.
Is that so much to ask for??
We can just go back to our original lives.
With no despair and worries.

2009-11-17T22:13:00.002+08:00

Its the first time.
The very first I looked at you.
I expritcly took chances and look into you.
You have rocked me to the core.
You have bewitched me body and soul.
Coming here has always been a big mistake.
But yet,
my heart tells me differently.
These past months of torture brought me to realise that
without you,
life is meaningless.
I have been nonsensical.
I have been obnoxious.
You changed me completely,
my way of thoughts,
my mind,
my harden-heart.
I was wrong about you,
the way you have been wrong about me.
Just say the word,
I'll be right by your side forever.
Never parting with you.
If your feelings have changed since from the beginning,
I'll do whatever it takes to be by your side.
If your feelings remains,
i will silence myself,
and you would not have the trouble of me
bothering you again.
These past months where
you unconsciously have been tormenting me,
it will all go away once you accept my word.
Save me from myself,
save me from the lonliness I have been experiencing
since forever...

2009-11-10T21:25:00.002+08:00

I thought it was all over.
Nothing has happened between us.
But once I let down my guard,
when I took you in,
I started to feel for you.
Your feelings surged through my veins,
coarsing through my very veins.
I should have never looked your way.
Now you are star,
the star that I would always look upon every once in a fortnight.
Your luminous glow luminates my world,
bringing laughter and tears to me.
How I wish to risk one look at you
How I wish to be able to look up to you
How I wish to be as confident as you
How I wish to be as free as you
You being my light in my gloomy world,
how fantastic it would be to walk beside you.
However magnificent you are,
I cannot risk myself to take another look.
I should not have glance your way.
I should not have opened up to you.
I should not have taken sympathy on you.
I should have never felt dependent on you.
But I cannot bear to let you go.
I'm like giving up a part of me
to ease my pains,
yet I still feel so empty inside.
Like a lifeless corpse I was,
completely at loss I was.
You've shown me so much,
you have shown me that its the littlest things
that makes us contented.
I cannot bear to lose you forever.
I'm just not ready to give you up.
I'm just not ready to bid farewell to you forever.

2009-11-06T00:26:00.003+08:00

All I've ever wanted is for someone to
take me away to a better place.
All I've ever wanted is someone to
bring me away from the trauma.
All I've ever wanted is to
find a secret place where I get to reside in peace.
All I've ever wanted is someone who
can understand me for who I am and
what I'm not,
someone who appreciates what I do and
fully supports my actions and achievements.
I am fully aware that what you've done
is all for the goodness deticated to me.
I am fully aware that you think
you know what is suitable for me and what's not.
I am aware that you would not want me to
walk in your footsteps of disaster,
that I would not land up in the same situation you're in.
All I want you is to have faith in me,
let me make my decisions.
All I want you is to have trust in me,
let me grieve for my mistakes in life and blame no one.
All I want you to let me take charge of my life,
let me be the one holding onto the steering wheel
guiding myself to my correct coarse,
let me take full responsiblitily of my actions.
You are my guidance,
my map,
my eyes to the outside world,
my ally to lean on when I break down,
my listening ear when I need to pour out troubles,
my star to gaze upon as a role model.
Without you,
I don't think I'll be able to make it this far.
Without you,
I'll be lost in this vast ocean.
Without you,
I'll have no one to confide to when it all ends.
You are my compass directing me to safety,
without you,
I'll be a lost ship floating through vast waters in search
of nothing but blank hopes and dreams.

2009-11-04T22:06:00.002+08:00

The world is always divided into two classes.
the rich;
the poor.
the noble;
the average;
the free wanderers;
the handcuffed dragged down souls;
brave souls;
cowardly souls;
fun-sized people;
depressed-mindless ghouls;
clever-witty geniuses;
dumb-slow average;
saviors;
goners;
where does that leave me in this picture?
Its either you get it or you don't.
Whatever I do its all in my hands.
Its all in the creation and abolmination hands and mind.
We take what we need and leave what we don't.
why can't humanity learn to be unselfish and kind?
When will we ever stop the destruction of our own kind?
It takes one of us to realise what we have been doing all along.
It takes the whole world to realise our mistakes
by making the first move to ultimate greatness.
It takes the will and power to overcome our weaknesses.
Never will I fall
not now
not tomorrow
not ever

2009-11-02T18:00:00.002+08:00

Isn't it such a good feeling to be able
to cast out the negative thoughts?
Then I would be living in a world full of happiness,
free of troubles,
free of stress.
But nothing is ever built to last,
in matter of seconds
the world comes crashing down.
My fate walks on broken glass.
It pains to continue this pelirious trek.
One minute detail can bring me down,
one enormous detail can crush me to pieces.
You come crashing down into my little world,
wiping out every single beautiful memory I kept.
Instead of daffodills and butterflies,
it became black roses and fireflies.
Dark fills up the skies and
black birds soar high in the clouds,
black roses grow over the fields.
Dead leaves drift past the pathway,
fireflies lit up the plain looking fields.
Everything all black,
seems like its the latest trend.
When will it ever stop??

2009-10-28T21:15:00.002+08:00

Why do little things bring us down?
Why do we have to spend so much time
to revive back what we have lost?
This time its not a I win-you lose situation.
Its one man for himself.
I walk alone and face those threats coming at me.
One mistake is all that is needed
to kill me.
Only thinking if I should pull back or keep going forward.
Will it be for the best or still a hopeless situation?
The worst part is
how to relay my news to others.
How I can relate my problem to others?
How to put my situation in the most probable polite tone,
and not to raise my voice.
So as to prevent another conflict between us,
I decide to cover my tracks with lies.
The further I walk,
the more I lied,
the easier it became.
In the end,
I'm all covered in lies.
When I became exposed,
the harder it became to patch it up.
I patch it up with another lie,
and I got myself into this mess.
I cannot help myself,
I didn't want to upset you,
you wouldn't listen.
You think you know what's best for me.
No doubt you use your voice of reason,
it still pains me to say that I just don't want to accept this offer,
I'm still sorry that I've to do this.
Sorry...

2009-10-27T21:43:00.002+08:00

How hard is it to make a decision?
I underestimated myself,
thinking that there will be a time I will not have to make such
a tough decision.
Torn between both worlds.
With only one choice.
Given one,
choosing over friends.
Given the other,
sacraficing friends and walk into a totally new environment,
just because I don't trust myself anymore.
I don't trust myself if I'm able to
overcome this challenge.
I don't even trust my own words,
my own determination to carry me through these years.
I say I can and will do it,
inside doubt fills me completely.
There is always a possibilty of failure,
it only matters how hard I'll fall when that happens,
and how quick I'll be able to get back up on my two feet.
Weighing my options
yet I still find myself
stuck at a position.
Neither moving forward nor back.
My mind feels like it has been hit by a tornado,
nothing it can do to calm my rocking frantic mind.
All I can do is,
make a mistake and try to correct it.
Unable to make a choice...
Torn between two worlds is such an unghastly feeling...

2009-10-25T22:47:00.004+08:00

You don't know how it feels like
to be sitting at a corner
being ignored by those who care.
You don't know how it feels like
how to not be taken seriously,
when everyone treats you as a joke.
You don't know how it feels like
to be out of the picture,
giving excuses to be opted out.
You don't know how it feels like
to experience the excuriating pain
coming from inside of you.
You don't know how it feels like
to have so many loved ones "caring" for you,
yet still blinded by their true intentions.
You don't know how it feels like
to be the one bedridden while you conciously
see and hear others silent contentments.
Lying there,
awaiting the day for departure.
Subconciously thinking that that day would arrive anytime soon.
Always staring at the same scene countless times,
dispute over matters,
unwanted tears,
failing limbs,
unable to be understood.
Only able to be strapped there,
and everyone surrounding you,
grasping you so tightly.
Me sitting at a corner realising that this is not the type of treatment
you should deserve.
All of your soul is slowly drained away as you count the endless days.
You holding on to the last thread of hope within you.
The world revolves around you and
you are helplessly left behind suffering along
just because no one truely understands how you feel.
I willed myself not to cry,
I promised to myself that I would not leave until
I've finally settled my private matters.
I swear to myself that I will not leave
any unfinished disputes.
I told myself that I will stand the pain
no matter the costs.
Seeing you suffering so much,
hurts me from the inside.
I know I don't have much time left,
but I just can't bear to leave my loved ones.
I take this as a blessing,
let this be the last time you see me frown.
Please be happy and cherish what you have before its too late.
Then that will be the time I willingly let my tears fall...

2009-10-23T22:20:00.007+08:00

Its the littlest things that makes us happy.
A pocketful of sunshine
following us is enough.
When was the time when luck came knocking on the door?
When it ever did,
we just let it slip between our fingers.
Total opposites we are.
But I chose to lead a blind eye,
thinking that everything is going to be alright.
Now that we are here,
I suppose that you want to withdraw yourself.
Hide from the danger,
finding every possibility to avoid the situation.
There are entrances and exits.
Now that you accomplished that grand entrance of yours,
I expect another show put on.
Seeing you sauntering away from my life,
gracefully heading towards the exit.
Now you seem to be stuck in a position.
You are neither here nor there,
I'm the one having the laugh
while you slowly ripped yourself to shreds.
Slowly disintegrating yourself,
slowly fading away
like a distant memory I'm unable to recall.
But with every battle there will be scars of the past.
No matter which way you choose,
scars inflicted from your past still haunt you down.
You crossed the barrier,
you started your misery.
The one who created the war,
must also create a solution.
The one who created the war,
must also find both entrances and exits.

2009-10-21T19:56:00.002+08:00

Its sad to know that a little problem is able
to cause such a big fuss or temper.
Its even more sad to know that a big problem
creates more trouble and fustration.
One little thing is able to bring misery and happiness.
Depending on the balance of right and wrong,
good things always come to an end.
Bad things always keep on repeating,
like history repeating itself
when we unfurl the chapters of the book.
One little thing is able to bring tears to us,
we try to hold it in.
But there are times when we have to let it out.
They bombarded us with news,
we hold our heads high up,
determined to know and embrace our future.
Never will we back down,
never will we stop.
Never will you see a tear drop.
Today is the day when tearshed is completely hopeless.
What done has been done.
Let the music flow through our veins as if it were there all along.
Let us embrace this fact and let it coarse through our soul.
Today is the day you won't see me crying.

2009-10-16T23:23:00.002+08:00

Emotions.
Feelings.
They are like the wind.
They come and go as they please.
Free to be
Free to desire
Free to wander
Free to run
The only thing straining them down,
are ourselves.
The mastermind behind all these
They are like our slaves,
handcuffed by our thoughts and actions.
Only to be summoned at the time of need.
Just maybe,
if we are willing to let it go.
We let them travel,
travel to the vast oceans,
soaring high above the clouds.
Just maybe,
our troubles will go away
along with them like the wind.
Shunned by our emotions we were.
Stressed by our feelings we had.
No one would understand the opposite
no matter how desperate or hard they try.
Words; Expressions; Thoughts
My words fly up,
my thoughts remain below;
Words without thought never to heaven they go

2009-10-15T23:25:00.003+08:00

I maintain silence because its what I do best.
I only bend that rule when needed.
Different people
Different attitudes
Different way of life
Different perspectives
Different issues
Different mindsets
Different paths
Different personalities
Absolute strangers
yet thinking they will be able to continue,
strolling down the park when its time.
Difference is just not the same.
Nothing is alike at all.
You went one big round just to make matters worse
You say the wrong things to make people like you.
For once,
have you ever said anything predictable
or at the very least accurate?
The fun times we had,
the miserable times we experienced,
the solem road we still have to pass,
the different aspects of life.
Its time the journey ends here.
You are in the seventh act.
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
they have their entrances and exits,
and one man in his time plays many parts,
His act being seven ages.

2009-10-15T22:44:00.003+08:00

Living life as the way it is.
Bearing no judgement as I walk down
this thoroughfare.
Bearing no thoughts of you and me,
spreading my wings to fly away.
When the Nazis killed the Jews,
I maintained silence
because I was not a Jew.
When someone was falling into darkness,
I maintained silence
because I was not the one.
When the country was in a war,
I maintained silence
because I was not the one fighting for my pride.
When other loved ones are in peril,
I maintained silence
because i don't know them, they don't know me.
When my friends break down into tears,
I maintained silence
because they are not my problems I need to face.
When others are in fustration,
I maintained silence
because those are not my conflicts.
Now the wheels of time turn against me,
misty fog blinds your eyes.
Its sad to know this.
When I was in trouble,
everyone maintained silence.
There everyone sat,
behind the jury box,
where I was standing alone at the witness stand.
They were there for me,
but their kindness never seem to be reaching into their eyes.
Their worry ceases to be summon to their expressionless faces.
They were there for a purpose,
like what I done to them
what they will do to me.
Silence is nothing but a rule.
Its nothing but a emotion.
Yet I selflessly underestimated its power.
No one cares about what I do.
Silence is golden.

2009-10-05T22:19:00.002+08:00

Days pass.
I feel nothing but the numbness of my skin.
I'm tired of living this way.
I lost my senses,
I pratically cannot continue living this manner.
My eyelids are drooping heavily,
my concentration level is dropping by the second.
I just don't have the energy to generate myself,
my body doesn't even listen to me anymore.
Its like walking through the same routine again and again.
Waking up to another same lifeless day,
completely unable to summon laughter and colour
into my gloominess reality world.
My adrenaline rush let me down again and again.
I feel so weak,
physically and mentally frail.
How am I going to move on to my next milestone in life,
when I'm uncapable of overcoming
this sense of insomia?
A dead girl living in dead world.
Everything seems so gray now,
as if God did not paint my world and left it in its original state.
The remains of death haunts this gray zombie world...

2009-10-04T21:57:00.002+08:00

Distance.
Spacing.
Attraction.
No matter how or what,
why do I always find myself wanting more?
When will I ever learn not to accept reality?
When will I ever learn not to be greedy?
Your aura attracts me,
your soul,
your chaotic mind.
Now,
your little party made me lose my mind.
Your masquerade is just like a perfect little dream
that I can't bear to wake up.
I can't even navigate through the halls of my life,
I can't reclaim back my identity.
A little starry night that changed my life.
You tipped the balance,
the scale to imperfection,
now exists...

2009-10-04T15:16:00.003+08:00

After all this time,
I finally got what I always wanted.
God has finally answered my prayers.
My misery business has finally been completed.
I don't mean to brag,
but i finally got what I wanted!
My wildest dreams are all coming true,
none of them ever involving you.
Me engaging in this is already a mistake that
I was willing to pay the price for.
Another time another day,
as time roll pass without me knowing...
Perseverence rubbing off,
the memoirs of me swearing at this point,
comes to an end...
I've finally finished my
HIGHER CHINESE paper in record time!!
But prepared to suffer when the results come out...
God may not answer my prayer when that time comes....
There is no such thing as equality and fairness in this world.
If there ever is,
why can't I be rich and famous?
Why am I stuck here suffering with CHINESE?!

2009-10-01T23:29:00.002+08:00

Routines.
Cycles.
Habit.
Positions.
Aren't you tired of all these?
The continunous vicious cycle of something so dreadful,
something or boring and that it has become
part and parcel of your life.
That habit of mine,
is something that is so difficult to cure,
to stop.
Its like a part of me being torn away from my life,
I want to get out of this situation,
i yearn for freedom,
I can't stand being stuck in a cage,
its consuming me from the outside,
something i would not let...
Just like me,
you too want freedom.
Staring out of the window,
wishing you can be somewhere else except here.
Yearning of the heart,
is so painful that its almost impossible to cure....
If you found the remedy,
tell me....

2009-10-01T22:52:00.002+08:00

Life.
Who created it?
Was it god?
Or was it something else?
Was it fate that brought mankind to this world?
Then when mankind perish,
what other forms of living organisms would take our place?
No longer would it be the dinosaurs or giant mammals,
their time is done...
During our lifespan,
did we really make full use of it?
Did we learn anything in the process?
Did we find any new discoveries?
Did we learn to accept reality?
Things that were not meant to be
and those that were...
Those things that we come across once in our life,
that times when we didn't get the chance to grasp it within our holds.
Those things that I learnt...
which I swear that literally boiled me to my core...
1. i hate 秦始皇,
~reason being he did not burn all of the chinese books~
~I won't be the one suffering now~
2. I must listen to my dad's advice from now onwards for chinese
~He was correct that I should have memorise my compos~
3. NEVER EVER DRINK WINE WITH GARLIC
~I know its random, but seriously the feeling sucks and the taste is hell~

This is the very first not emo post I have ever posted since March
after what jasmin said....

2009-09-28T22:15:00.003+08:00

These corridors,
these walls,
these building,
bring deep memories back.
They flood back in a flash,
those emotions,
those times,
those laughter and joy we had.
When I was feeling down,
you were there no matter rain or shine.
As I pass by,
these corridors are nothing but plain doors,
opening to those horrid memories I want to forget.
You treat me like a stranger,
those eyes filled with mask innocence,
those eyes filled with vast emptiness,
empty and lonely they were,
and never will they change.
You drove the dagger straight into my heart,
a single bullet hit me,
hit me where it would hurts the most.
Your laughter rings in my ears,
your face appears in my nightmares,
is there no escape?
I can't resist the temptation,
someone,
end this misery of mine....

2009-09-25T23:10:00.002+08:00

Someone asked me this question,
do you believe in heaven or in hell?
my answer was hell.
Hell,
being the reason,
our world,
our universe,
considered nugatory compared to everything.
We are living in complete chaos,
rules and regulations are set to keep us on track,
never to go astray,
still I don't see that happening.
Hell,
depicted as fiery and painful, inflicting guilt and suffering.
The damned souls enter that world,
paying their price by not being able to recarnate.
The world we live in is already hell.
Can't you see it by the gloomy dark days we continuously
kept leading,
every soul contains dread and tiredness.
Can't you see that we are continuously repeating the same mistakes
all over again and already,
we pay the price for what we wronged.
Earth,
in my eyes,
was actually heaven...
But with us mankind walking on this planet,
we bring nothing but destruction and fear to others.
We bring fear to animals,
even to ourselves.
We bring war everywhere we go.
Unnecessary bloodshed has been spilled,
everyone has to be blamed.
Where did all the peace and tranquilty go?
Where did the earth ,
we once lived peacefully in,
"little heaven on earth",
run off to?
Did we chase it away?
Is it ever going to come back?
Living everyday in hell is already a torture.....
A torture that everyone has already seemed to accept...

2009-09-25T22:48:00.002+08:00

Your presence,
your scent,
your absence,
your ignorance...
everything about you,
your flaws,
your weaknesses,
your character...
Everything about you overwhelms me.
When you are not with me,
I can hear your whispery breaths blowing against my ear,
your husky voice,
I always know where you will be,
where you will not be.
That would be where I would try to avoid,
no matter what happens,
no matter what the consequences were,
I still found myself walking to you.
There is a magnetic attraction pulling me to you.
Was it by a stroke of luck that you come to cross my path?
Or was it that fate has set me here to start my life anew?
Whatever it is,
I don't believe in luck.
Once or twice,
it may be concidental or on purpose.
If luck ever existed,
why am I bearing such a terrible fate now?
Dreading everytime I don't get to catch a glimpse of you,
angry at myself for letting you in too easily.
Now that you are in,
its not easy to come out.

2009-09-21T00:04:00.003+08:00

You brought the seven deadly sins to me.
Lust.
Your compulsion,
trangression,
drew me into the depths of hell,
where I was consumed by the flames of death.
Greed.
You made me want more,
it was a sin of excess,
resistance,
I cannot satisfy my temptation of wanting more.
Wrath.
Bringing in hate and anger into my life.
Manifesting inside of me,
I can't accept the vehement denial of truth,
I want to do harm to myself and others.
Envy.
Its the sorrow for another's good.
The envy inside of me,
eats me then wraps me up and turn me into something I'm not.
Pride.
I was overconfident.
I let my guard down,
when I shouldn't have.
The walls of my heart come shattering down like i've been exposed.
Looking back at what you have done,
do you have a sense of guilt at all?
You planted these seeds into me,
to let them grow out of me.
So that everyone can see for what I am.
But I know deep inside,
this is what I'm not.
Its you who is to blame,
you led me astray,
like the serpent winding its way to ultimate control.
Sometimes I wonder,
are you the god of my dreams,
or are you satan?
The devil of my nightmare

2009-09-20T23:22:00.002+08:00

I didn't mean it at all.
It was by accident.
It wasn't meant to be this way,
my ultimate plan was ruined.
you took away my happiness,
I thought we could go together,
leaving together in bliss.
Honestly,
i have been awaiting this day.
The day when we could be united as one,
where no one could upset this balance of silent contentment.
But you should have given in to me.
If you knew me well enough,
you should have known about my detests.
When you had the chance to stop,
you didn't,
you are like adding salt to my wounds.
All those days of us being together,
seems to be fading away.
There is a barrier in between us,
what have I done?
You have awakened me from my slumber,
now its time for me to go back to sleep.
The deep painless sleep that I always enjoyed.
You shouldn't have,
now you have messed me up,
you brought the sun to my life,
the angels that light my way,
the wonderful wind that caress my hair.
But now,
all I feel is the numbness of your touch.
You drove the dagger straight into my heart,
its time to fix my shattered heart.
Its time to reclaim back what I've lost.

2009-09-15T22:05:00.002+08:00

I can't help it,
I try not to feel this way.
But I can no longer hold it in.
I stare into space,
every inch of silence surrounds me.
Thoughts appearing in my head,
thoughts of me and you.
Those that are never meant to be.
You found a new direction,
a new path to walk on
while I'm left stranded on this thoroughfare.
Nothing you say matters now,
but your actions does.
All of our minds and lines have already been spoken,
what else is there to say?
I let the emotions take control of me,
still there is nothing I can do.
When everything falls,
all you can do is to accept the fact that
what's done has already been done...

2009-09-14T21:10:00.002+08:00

It sucks doesn't it?
You are kept in the dark,
cos that is what I always do...
I never like to tell people what is troubling me,
unless I cannot fight the urge to say it out.
If not,
just take it like
i'm a mute...
When something comes and knock you down.
All you have to do is to get back back on your feet,
and continue this journey no matter what.
My thoughts are something you can't decode.
How did we even get here in the first place?
My thoughts,
my worries.
You don't seem to get them.
Do you see what we have done?
We have made such big fools out of ourselves...
There is something I see in you,
the more I wander,
more likely I'll suffer....
Its a new divide between both of us.

2009-09-13T15:46:00.003+08:00

One is not enough.
Two seems good enough for me.
The more I looked at your posts,
it drove me to the edge of the cliff.
There you are,
having fun when you cannot even see what is in front of you.
Can you even admit that i'm your friend?
If something is just in front of you,
then why can't you see it?
To me,
I'm just an "it",
nothing more nothing less.
If others are able to see,
why can't you?
Obviously I'm the one sounding like a bitch now,
but the more i pass by,
more hate boils inside.
You can say that its always me who is bringing the mood down.
But think about it,
if it wasn't you,
would we be in this state?
You sound so happy,
that you enjoy yourself,
then why bring others into this terrible misery?
This time,
you think of me as a stranger.
There is nothing but ignorance in your eyes...

2009-09-13T15:14:00.002+08:00

Who in their right mind would want to be hurt?
Who in god's name would want to get angry?
Of all reasons,
why am i bringing god?
Even his existence is not clarified among everyone....
Then what is the point of believing,
when He is not going to bring salvation to all of us?
Where is He when we need him,
when His presence is crucial in that point of time?
Then again,
why am I bringing Him up?
Maybe its because I need salvation,
I need his help.
No matter how many times you pray,
He doesn't appear...
I'm not expecting Him to come on a white horse
with a shiny armour and a clean brandished sword by his side...
This only happens in fairytales,
and we are living in the real world.
Those pixes and fairy dusts are nothing but illusions in our heads...
When will we ever learn to grow up?
When do we ever learn to accept that the world we live in,
its just cold and deceptive....
I want this to end,
where are the gods when you need them??

2009-09-11T19:15:00.002+08:00

You think you know everything do you?
You think you can just let me sit there watch you,
like i'm like a stalker?
You let me see you for what you are,
what i'm not.
you made me see the true you,
the side that I always saw and it never ceases to stop.
The side which I always hate,
but you always like to bring it out of you.
Hearing your voice on the phone,
seriously made me want to bang my head on the wall like forever.
You act like everything in the world is full of happiness.
It makes me sick in the stomach to hear it!
Hearing your laughter in the background,
hearing you shouting and acting cute,
seriously made me felt like,
did i make the right choice?
People suffer for their mistakes,
i'm prepared to do so.
So you can finish off what you have started,
don't leave the job half-done...

2009-09-08T23:18:00.002+08:00

I can't bear to look at you.
I can't take another glance.
The more I think about it,
the more horrible i feel.
Why do you make me feel this way?
All the things you have done for me,
all the things you have tried to help me with,
i understand how stressful it is,
if it all turns out what you thought it won't be.
Little did I know,
you are making this game more difficult.
You cannot bear to lose.
You are making it difficult for me to make a decision.
What shall I do?
If I make the wrong choice,
I'll get the bitter feeling inside of me.
Those times with you,
bitter sweet and sour,
I'll remember them all...

2009-09-06T22:15:00.001+08:00

what has gone wrong between the two of us?
you act as if i'm always in the wrong,
i'm always the one trying to make things worse.
you can even compare me to other things,
that are considered peanuts to you,
you make my choices for me,
when i'm already independent,
independent enough to be able to make my own decisions,
old enough to think of what would the outcome be,
if ever failed or succeeded.
you never seem to be able to trust me, are you?
trust is waht you lack in your soul.
you can use your tactic by screaming at me,
as if that overpowering commanding voice is able
to tame me down.
never will i let you do this ever again.
never will i let you hurt me like this again.
never will i shed tears in front of you.
and never will i open up to you.
NEVER AGAIN.

2009-09-02T21:20:00.000+08:00

remember all those things we wanted?
weren't they just within our grasp?
but why is it now far from us?
there was no moving on from there ever since,
we have been stuck on the spot...
i got to breathe,
you can't take it from me.
its either me or you.
our light,
fire in our souls,
are no longer as bright as it is before.
its just a cold flame waiting to get blown away.
how did we get into this stage?
the fire burning in your eyes,
how i miss those times when you look at me with those eyes.
how i miss that light....

2009-08-29T11:26:00.002+08:00

lets just take this a whole different way...
lets think "positively" for once...
neither of us would be here,
if weren't for the mistake we made.
admit that,
we were in the wrong.
life is not just about forgetting and letting go.
the pain,
still remains in our hearts.
too painful to rememeber,
too painful to forget.
then what do we do?
hand in hand,
bear this painful memory together.

2009-08-28T22:43:00.000+08:00

there and back again.
why is this always happen to me?
did i do anything to upset this balance?
its like you are completely ignoring all the cries,
all the complaints i'm giving out.
are you deaf or you simply can't be bothered.
no one even seems to be hearing my pleas,
so only left with one path.
i have to walk this lonely road myself.
no one but my shadow accompanying me,
till someone finally comes to my side.
my shadow,
neither a living thing,
nor can it be my handkerchief,
but its the only companion i got,
to walk down this empty stretch of road,
to be able to live my days in my boulevard of lonely nights....

2009-08-25T21:54:00.000+08:00

How does it feel when
a knife just stabs you?
not including those times when that action
was repeated.
what was i to do?
i just let you sit there and continue?
is it me or you,
you turned me into something i'm not.
why me?
why now?
did you do this on purpose?
you chosen the correct time to
push people to their limits.
is this your true self or
you enjoy seeing inncoent people
like me,
getting hurt because of this?
you are supposed to be the one comforting me,
the one with that shoulder that i can lean on.
but now...
it seems like you just took it back,
you left everything,
taking away my memories,
leaving me in this dry vast parched desert.
you can tell me that you're sorry,
but no longer can i place my trust in you....

2009-08-16T01:43:00.003+08:00

finally!!!
at least something seems
to be working!!!
one more thing
i'll have to bitch about....
if you got any insults to throw at me,
please kindly at least tell me,
what is it that i did wrong!!!
don't just go all angry on me,
you have technology or brains
unable to speak,
then type it out
or any form of communication!!
don't just mute yourself
and start pointing fingers at me,
when i myself don't even know what i did!
don't start off another fight
when you have not completely
finish off the other one...
if i know one person who can just
dampen my mood....
its YOU!!!

2009-08-14T20:44:00.001+08:00

Always seem to get stuck.
When was it that I ever
Manage the control everything?
When was the time I ever
Went home with you?
It seems to be decades ago.
Whenever that happens,
You seem to ignore…
If that is what you want,
I got nothing to complain about.
You may start saying about
My ATTITUDE again
Or my mood.
I’m just lying in a
Boulevard of broken dreams…
Nothing ever seems to work out

2009-08-10T11:58:00.000+08:00

Some things can be taken lightly,
but this...
NEVER.
I've been waiting for countless days,
and in the end?
What do I get?
This is like a complete failure...
Should have never trust blogger in the first place.
The font is ok....
Its the bloody font SIZE!!!
sO DAMN irritating!!!
How can you do this to me?!

2009-08-03T22:31:00.002+08:00

No matter how many times,
how i tried to avoid,
you seem to appear in front of me.
Why is that so?
Connection?
Telepathy?
Luck?
These reasons seem utterly unbelievable.
What is the point of expecting so much?
Those filled expectations
are just empty bubbles
waiting to be popped...
No point waiting
if there is nothing waiting at
the end of the road...
What prize do I get?
Perhaps disappointment,
and weariness would be waiting,
waiting to embrace me
with those cold hands....
Only you make me feel warm inside
despite the surroundings...
This makes me wonder,
did i make the right choice?
Would i regret after all this??

2009-08-02T19:09:00.002+08:00

Some just don't get it
others just plainly think otherwise.
The victim,
thinks of only themselves when in fowl mood.
What did you expect?
You expect they would just
brighten up and laugh
like everything's okay?
There is always a reason behind every story.
You just need to figure it out...
Don't plainly insult people
as if you are also right....
Don't assume that you are the only one
thinking about the matter.
Don't assume that you are always right.
Don't assume that everyone leads carefree lives
like you.
Don't assume that everyone likes to open up...
Pay attention to your surroundings,
maybe that "may" help.....
What i am and what i do
is none of your business...

2009-08-02T02:48:00.002+08:00

There is always
a good and bad side to
every story...
All i know is,
those people over there
are the worst of the worst...
the creme la creme of the WORST...
Then how does it feel to know
those people?
Humilating
embarassing,
don't those people got a life to live?
Why interfere with others?
Why make other lives so miserable?
You think you are the only one suffering,
then just think twice...
Stop hiding and come out of the closet.
If you don't wanna admit it,
then get out...
Words mean nothing to me,
actions do...
What you spat,
what you shouted....
All i wanna say is this,
you psychotic bitch ain't worth my time,
get out of my sight!

2009-07-25T00:13:00.002+08:00

Is there anything in the world for free?
Seems like there is nothing,
nothing in this world is for free...
In that case,
shouldn't we treasure what we have?
Good things come and go,
its up to us to grasp it tightly...
The only thing that is for free,
would be the trust of a friend...
Does one need to pay millions to gain that trust?
Does one need to spend hours and hours,
or detication to fight for this power?
Why abuse it when it was already there waiting?
Why throw away that privilege?
Needless to say,
if one felt betrayed,
who would open up again?
Appreciating what is laid in front of us,
yet we can push it aside...
In the end,
stress and agony are just waiting
patiently behind that door...
No amount of money can buy over friends...
If possible,
would you also gain that special trust from them?
Retrieving back what you have lost,
is not as simple as you think it is.....

2009-07-18T23:44:00.002+08:00

the higher you go,
the harder you will fall...
expecting too much,
if it ever fails,
then more disappointment in life...
then what is the use of,
having expectations in the world?
no one likes rejection,
or disappointment...
then why do i have to suffer this misery?
I fell to rock bottom,
the deepest darkest crevices,
where i cannot be found...
the harder you try,
it may cease to fail...
then why am i suffering all of this?
is life that UNFAIR?

2009-07-17T20:55:00.003+08:00

what goes up must come down.
does that apply to everything?
even friendship?
ignorance,
lies,
what do these mean to you?
did you literally experienced this?
you have made a mistake,
please don't repeat it.
its like you are taking another hostage,
then am i your next victim?
just so you know,
its hurts,
being the outsider...
its like you just go around,
picking up stuff,
then tired,
you chuck them aside...
we are not goods,
nor toys...
our feelings are not for you to play with...
stop repeating these "mistakes",
if not,
another will be claimed by the fallen...

2009-07-14T22:16:00.002+08:00

where is god when you need him?
in the first place,
does he even exist?
if he does,
then my pleas and wants,
would have been heard a LONG time ago...
if he is real,
then why am i suffering?
this is something i can't decode...
believing can't save me now,
nor can trust,
then what can?
what can,
save me from myself?

2009-07-14T20:45:00.002+08:00

like a patch of grass,
filled with life and energy,
which never stops turning...
unpredictable change,
sacrifice is crucial...
despite its ups and downs,
that magical bond sailed through storms...
TRUST
is what is placed in a friend...
ABUSE
taking it for granted,
abusing the power given...
RESPONSIBLITY
is promising what one said...
SHELTER
a form of home,
where troubles are shared during rainy days...
then let me ask,
do you have what it takes??
WITH GREAT POWER,
COMES WITH GREAT RESPONSIBILTY...

2009-07-13T17:36:00.002+08:00

everything sounds so sad...
literally,
this no longer looks bright...
just what happen to me?
LIES.
what do they mean?
A LIAR.
someone who tells lies...
tell me who didn't tell one before...
FRIENDS.
people who supposingly know you very well...
people whereby secrets are shared which each other...
FRIENDS AND LIES.
people who told lies to another close person...
MAIN MOTIVE??
to fufil another FRIEND'S want...
since friends are all about liars and jealously,
then why do we even need them in this world??
maybe without them,
life wouldn't be too bad...
who is suppose to know,
betrayers are around the corner...
all we have to do is,
not to put TRUST in them...

2009-07-10T23:33:00.000+08:00

please do not compare me to other people...
problems, results, life, whatever...
the harder i try,
the more it backfires on me...
why should I get hurt for no reason?
Is destiny playing with my head?
whatever it is,
i wanna say sorry...
but if this doesn't work out,
i'm prepared to live it out,
till i'm outta here...
then you will never see me again...
never will i bore you with my problems,
never will i let it all out ever again...
another promise i'm making,
another which i'm swear i'm never breaking.
building a hard shell around me probably
its the best way...
the doors to the outside world is still open,
but never the inside...

P.S the first two posts are linked.... if you can't be bothered, then dun read it...

2009-07-10T23:08:00.000+08:00

complaints and complaints...
i swallowed them all...
don't even think about fairness,
because i don't even think there is
such a thing known as
EQUALITY
around here...
you could have just said politely or something.
if you just dismissed me like other people,
then what am i to you?
what am i compared to others??
if you don't want me preaching into your affairs,
fine with me...
you may be better off without me...
the attitude you left me,
may have made things clearer to me...
there you were,
chatting away with someone else,
when i needed you...
you shushed me up just like that...
you said i got the better deal,
well then i guess you don't know me well...
not everyone listened to your problems,
and tried to give you solutions from experiences...
i did...
i sat through this and listened to your problems...
and you just kicked me out...
you may not realise when you first said that but
i seriously don't feel like doing this anymore,
all i felt was insecurity...
everything i'm holding on to,
is slipping away into the night...
what is there to do if everything is not
going your way??
just let it loose and
let the pain slowly fade away...
what will be left of it,
are only it wounds...

2009-07-10T09:56:00.000+08:00

How does it feel like
when someone asks you to shut up?
When all you wanted,
Was a simple answer??
And the reply you got was,
‘shush! I’m doing something else’?
Now how does that feel??
Ask another,
and still the reply is i don’t know.
The worst is hearing that person say,
I’m doing english with someone else,
and doesn’t care about your questions...
I only got one word for you,
And its the final word i’ll ever use,
WHATEVER...

2009-07-07T13:00:00.000+08:00

All this time I've been wasted.
You got your share if secrets,
and i'm tired of all this...
You're not sorry,
what you've to done to me...
But you don't have to call anymore,
cos i'm not longer picking it up...
You don't have to do it,
as if you were forced...
Honestly,
what's gonna happen to me?
I only feel gravity
and i wonder why.
Its like
I'm wishing for all of this
to be over...
Why do all good things,
always come to an END??

2009-07-02T12:25:00.000+08:00

How does it feel like,
when you realise something,
something you didn't even know??
Shock, agony,
promising to myself,
never to let this happen again...
This has caused me my friendship.
I for one,
want to end this really badly...
So much hurt inflicted on myself,
and getting nothing in return...
Just because I was stupid to fall,
to let my guard down...
Because I'm stupid,
I've to suffer all of this...
Because I'm stupid,
I now regret ever talking to you...

2009-07-01T11:15:00.000+08:00

What a day...
Not did I died of boredom,
you actually lied to me...
You lied to both of us...
I seriously "cannot" believe you did that!
What a "great" friend you are,
you are lucky,
cos I don't believe a single word you said...
You can act,
but you know it yourself.
You know that you can lie to others,
others but not yourself...

2009-06-22T14:50:00.000+08:00

You think too much...
Is it that my face betrays all my emotions??
Or is it,
is it that you were just worried.
That i'll will be mad at you??
Looks like you don't know me well,
the emotionless me,
the happy me,
the angry me,
the sad me...
They are all a big part of me.
But now,
you told me things,
slowly the fog starts to disappear...
I start to know you better...
Everyone in this world would once,
wear a mask to hide their true selfs...
Now,
many of us still wear a mask to hide our identity.
Is there a purpose behind it
or were you doing this to save yourself??
To hide the true you,
the weak and soft person,
under that "almighty" flesh??
Inside its just someone aching,
aching for love and attention...

2009-06-17T17:07:00.000+08:00

Love.
What is it when you can't share,
share it with the person you love.
Love.
It brings joy, happiness,warmth
to both lovers.
Yet,
it can also bring misery and pain.
Love.
Though seemingly weak,
able to control one's mind,
till you are completely under its power.
Love.
Lust.
Without it,
there will be nothing...
Love.
It changes one completely,
in good and bad ways.
The sweet moments never last,
the sour ones try to prevail in this world.
Completely exhausting everyone.
Love.
Love,
there is nothing in this world,
more powerful than love.
But the coin flips,
what goes around comes around.
Love.
Love is a brat...

2009-06-16T03:40:00.000+08:00

You should have walked away
when you had the chance...
But now,
its too late...
You led me on,
when you shouldn't have...
I'm filled with misery and weariness.
How will this ever end?
When you had the chance,
you still led me on...
I have to ask you,
do you regret?
Do you regret that
you didn't let me go when its possible?
Now I just want to say,
what I didn't get to say before.
Thank you,
you spelled the definition of LIFE.
Now,
living is no longer meaningless,
thanks to you.
I wish you all the best in whatever you do...